How Strong Are You Now?
by TCGeek
Summary: Though he told himself he was ready, it only took that one day for five years of preparation to unravel. And as fate nearly crushed Derek Stiles in the palm of its hand, he was forced to realize that maybe, just maybe... he wasn’t so strong after all.
1. Prologue

**Okay, so, this is that story I've been so excited to start. It's not a request, is going to be a couple chapters, and starts with something I've never done before - a prologue!**

**I will warn you right now, this is going to be pushed straight to M because of later chapters, but this one is free from any of that stuff.**

**I am so effing excited right now. (is freaking out)**

**So yeah - second chapter is already done and so is the third, but I'm working with them so Idk when they're gonna be posted. Also, the story is going to skip around a LOT, so just try your best to hang on and if you get confused, feel free to note me or something. **

**Until then just hang tight, and enjoy this. I hope you guys are going to like this as much as I hope you do. :)**

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**Chapter 1 - Prologue  
**

"D-Derek…"

It only took the surgeon one look at the tears swimming in Angie's eyes to bring him to the same state, feeling a prick at his own instantly. Unable to believe the circumstances that had brought them to this point, he summoned every last bit of strength in himself, finding it the absolute hardest thing to do at that moment – but this was how it had to be.

For her, he _had_ to hold himself together.

He watched with a heavy heart as she took a staggering, sobbing step forward and collapsed into him, unable to be strong for a second longer. Catching her, Derek bent and grabbed under her knees, lifted her into his arms, and lowered onto the couch right behind them. His arms wrapped around her as tightly as they possibly could without hurting her, his cheek resting against her forehead. A tear slid down his face as he listened to her cry helplessly, the once unbreakable woman he had grown to love reduced to nothing but a fragile ball now curled in his lap, hands clutching onto him for dear life.

"Angie, p-please… don't cry…" was all he could bring himself to whisper, shifting his face to kiss her forehead as he gently rocked her, his arms holding her protectively.

He knew it was his fault she was crying, but after everything that had unraveled lately, Derek knew that he couldn't keep what he had done from her – that keeping secrets would do nothing besides bring him the misery he had been fighting for years.

"I'm sorry, Angie… I'm so sorry…" he whispered, voice shaky from tears. "I-I just… I don't know what I was thinking…"

Angie raised her head up to look at him, her tears having stained his shirt generously. She nodded softly but continually took in shuttering breaths, unable to stop crying after hearing the near unbelievable news that had come from Derek's lips just minutes ago. Her eyes remained locked with his, trying to make sense of the conflicting emotions that were fighting to control her thoughts.

"I'm s-so sorry…" he whispered again, trying to stifle the first sob as it passed through his clenched teeth. He bit his lower lip and held his breath as his eyes implored hers for forgiveness, hoping that he was worthy for her love anymore, especially after this.

But even though he had said enough, he knew he still had to be completely honest.

"I'm s-sorry for hurting you… b-but, I'm not sorry f-for what I d-did…" he said adamantly, tears streaming down his face as he tried to stifle yet another sob. "I'm n-not… I'm n-not s-sorry!" When he saw her begin to sob again he lost it right along with her, her blonde head resting on his shoulder, eyes still on him, yet his were closed. Though he knew she was looking at him, Derek kept his eyes closed, hugging around Angie for dear life when she curled back up into his chest and began to sob once more.

"It's g-gonna be okay, Angie…" he whispered, rubbing her back gently. "It is. It's g-going to be o-okay…"

There was a slight pause before Angie looked up at him again, not even bothering to brush away the generous amount of tears that had stained her cheeks.

"H-How do y-you know t-that…? H-How could this POSSIBLY be okay!?" she asked, needing his reassurance right at that moment more than any other time in her life.

But he faltered, unsure of what to say. So much had happened – so much devastation, tears, and heartbreak had paved the way to that moment, and as he wondered just how he could possibly reassure her, he couldn't help but think about how they had gotten there in the first place.

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**Aahahahaha (evil cackle)**

**So excited. :D**

**See you next chapterrrr!**


	2. Falling Apart

**Alright - onward we go!**

**A bunch of people seem to be ticked at me for not finishing Hostage, but I've hit a major block and I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it. The chapters take an excruciating amount of time to write and revise, and because the next chapter is so important it's going to take just a little bit. So yeah - I apologize, but I would rather take my time than post crap.**

**We had a lot of good guesses, but unfortunately nobody's got it yet - so, let's see what happens now. We're gonna backtrack again, and start to learn what brought Derek and Angie to their state from last chapter... so, we'll start with them at a gala :D**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2 - Falling Apart  
**

Preparation can be both a blessing and a curse.

It didn't matter how many times he had run the scenario over in his head…

How many years he had practiced the perfect thing to say, word for word…

It didn't matter that it had been five whole years.

Five long years of waking up and being followed one thought that ravaged his soul and on many occasions, pushed him to the outer limits of his sanity.

Each day was just as hard as the last - but this day…

…this day made the rest look like absolutely nothing.

This was the day that unraveled five years of preparation; five years of building up strength, in mere _seconds_.

For everyone that knew him, Derek Stiles had always been the epitome of strength. Always.

But as it always goes, there's a time in life that everyone learns an important lesson – the lesson that no amount of preparation is enough against the surprises that life has waiting… surprises that hit the strongest of souls and crumble them into mere piles of dust.

Surprises that after revealed, seemed to look one straight in the eye and silently ask:

"…_how strong are you, now?"_

--

"Wow…"

An awestruck Derek Stiles walked into Caduceus's giant conference room, brown eyes scanning slowly over the magnificence it had been transformed into for the first charity gala ever to be held in the prestigious medical facility. His mouth dropped slightly open as he admired the grand room, realizing that if he hadn't have walked in through the hospital he had known so well, he wouldn't have recognized it in a million years.

"This is insane…" he muttered under his breath as the arm linked with his gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Can you believe this? I don't even recognize our own conference room – this must have been incredibly expensive… not to mention time consuming."

Derek nodded at his nurse's words, giving her a tiny smile before he continued to survey the area, leading the both of them into the room slowly.

Dressed in a black tuxedo with a white shirt, black vest and black tie, Derek led himself and his other half to their table, greeting several dignitary people in the field of medicine on the way. Watching her with every move she made, he gave a warm smile as he looked on at her, admiring her light pink strapless dress and perfectly done long blonde hair – something that had taken her forever to do due to her obsessive perfectionism, but was well worth waiting for… she looked simply gorgeous. They had been together for some time, and though it was a huge adjustment for most everyone in the field, people had gotten used to their relationship and the fact that the nurse never left her doctor's side… not for anything.

"Hey, you made it!"

Leslie Chase scurried over quickly to the pair and threw her arms around her friend tightly, as Tyler waved hi to Derek.

"Can you believe this place? If I didn't know better I'd say they stole this out of another building and attached to the back end of Caduceus when we weren't looking!"

Derek laughed. "I was just thinking the same thing – I mean seriously… there's music, dancing, a waitstaff, an expensive dinner, and an open bar – this must've cost a fortune."

"Totally did – I almost can't believe that Director Kasal approved all of this, but I suppose that it's a big deal, considering what the gala is for…"

Both men quieted down for a moment, remembering Director Hoffman with sadness laced in their eyes. Losing one of his greatest mentors had hit Derek harder than everyone else, as Robert was the only one that truly understood the struggles and consequences that the young surgeon faced every day, wielding such an extraordinary power.

"I think there's nothing we could've done that would've been big enough to celebrate him – I think the scholarship fund they're starting in his name is something he would've truly loved…"

Tyler nodded at Derek's statement. "I agree – he was a mentor to everyone… he saw each and every one of us for our abilities, even before we knew we had them. He had that gift of just knowing when someone had that fire – you know?"

Derek nodded, suddenly sad as he remember the doctor's passing, nearly six months ago. His death was instant – there was nothing that could've been done… but it still hurt, nonetheless.

Broken out of their conversation were the two friends when Derek was gingerly tapped on the shoulder from behind. He turned around and stared into a familiar pair of green eyes, donning a broad smile as he pulled his love into his arms, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'm going to go to the restroom, honey – would you mind grabbing me a Cosmopolitan from the bar?" she asked, expression hopeful but confident.

He nodded and watched her walk away, as he too excused himself from Leslie and Tyler.

They sat down at the table together next to their friends' reserved seats and exchanged a sad glance, knowing full well what the other was thinking before they even said a word. Leslie hung her head slightly and her husband tried soothing her as best as he could by placing a strong hand on her back and rubbing softly, leaning into her.

"Derek has no idea, does he…?" Tyler whispered in her ear, his eyes diverted down toward the tablecloth.

"Nope…" Leslie replied softly. "I tried to tell him, but I just… didn't have the heart, I guess. Though I'm fairly certain that if he would've known before tonight, he wouldn't be here right now… but, we all know he's going to have to face it sooner or later."

Tyler sighed, casting his eyes over and out the door, growing nervous as he saw the subject of their conversation walking down the hallway outside, closing in on the celebration slowly.

"Yeah - if by sooner or later, you mean right now…"

--

"_Oh, come on Derek... you can do this!"_

_Tyler Chase whispered under his breath from the observation deck, nervously watching his best friend in a mad scramble to save a patient's life – something that normally, he wouldn't have been so worried about. _

_But now, for the first time in a long time, he felt his hands shaking, face growing clammy as he watched Derek give it all he had – which these days, wasn't anything close to what he was once capable of._

_A brilliant doctor stood in the operating room below them, fighting a fierce battle with spiraling vitals and screaming machines, attempts at salvation interrupted nearly every minute by another cardiac arrest. This was like every other time he performed surgery, except for one thing – his motions lacked urgency, and as a result, he was quickly falling behind._

_It was almost as though he had become… apathetic._

_Tyler had watched his friend learn a very painful lesson just months before, and even though he had time to get past it, it didn't seem like he would ever be the same – it was almost like he had lost himself. He was shattered – a shell of the determined surgeon he used to be, one who would go to any lengths to save a life. Ever since the incident Derek had picked himself back up and moved on, though Tyler was absolutely certain that he had never or would never get over what had happened... and as his friend, he feared that he would never be the same Derek again._

"_Come on, Derek… don't give up."_

_Leslie whispered softly as her hands came to rest over her mouth – her, Dr. Hoffman, and husband Tyler the three people watching from the deck. Each one of them hoped with everything they had that they would see him succeed here, though somewhere deep down, they all knew what was coming..._

_Derek Stiles had always been the epitome of strength. Loss was nothing new to him, and usually it was just a catalyst in his fight against disease. For a man who deserved nothing but the best in life, the famous surgeon seemed to have pain waiting for him at every turn... he had hit rock bottom just a few months ago, and it seemed to be the final straw – the one hit that he simply couldn't recover from. _

_It was with that last blow that he truly lost everything... every last ounce of strength and will to fight included. These days the littlest things seemed to break him, and things that once drove him in life meant nothing anymore. He continued on every day going through the motions, trying to get through it with as little misery as possible... every day was a struggle to build up enough strength to stay positive. Every day was another day that he had to plaster a fake smile on his face for the woman he loved, to make sure that she would never know his darkest secret. The secret that ate him alive from the moment he woke up, to the time he shut his eyes for sleep._

_The secret that no matter how he tried to forget, was never going away._

"_Cardiac arrest!" was the cry from the blonde nurse across from him, his faithful assistant and girlfriend. She panicked as she nearly threw the paddles to him, trying to stay strong even though she had no idea what was happening to Derek right in front of her eyes. Something was different, and she knew it..._

"_Come on, Derek... COME ON!" Tyler growled under his breath, rising to his feet and placing his hands on the glass. "You're a doctor – no matter what's happened to you, you are still a doctor! You can DO this!"_

_Three shocks came and went, and nothing happened. Not so much as a blip in the flatline, nothing. It had spiraled out of control too fast, and he was never able to catch up._

_It was over._

_Green eyes stared up at her doctor as he simply nodded his head in acceptance, completely surprised when instead of freaking out, he simply removed his mask, threw his gloves on the ground, and called the time of death._

_Tyler sighed, hanging his head as his eyes closed. Leslie placed a hand on his back and averted her eyes from the scene. With nowhere to go on their lunch break, the two had ended up nonchalantly watching Derek's operation, not knowing it was ever going to turn out to be the sad spectacle it had transformed into._

_The surgeon just stood looking at the deceased patient, and back at his assistant once, dropping his shoulders as she started to tear up._

"_Guess you can't win 'em all..." he simply said, removing himself from the room._

_Tyler__ and Leslie were the only ones that knew what had slowly been destroying the surgeon, and though they tried to stay optimistic, both were left to wonder what was going to happen to their troubled friend. _

--

"A Cosmopolitan, and a gin and tonic please…"

Derek gave the bartender his order as he dropped a few singles in the tip bowl, waiting as the drinks were prepared.

"Here's the gin and tonic, but I'm sorry to say our cranberry juice is out in the truck still… it'll be just a moment while I run and get it."

Derek smirked at the bartender's words, nodding reassuringly. "Not a problem…"

And with that the gentleman took off, leaving Derek at the bar alone with his completed drink. He lifted it to his lips and took a sip, nodding in approval – good and stiff, just how he liked it.

Leaning into the bar by placing his right arm on the surface, Derek simply let his eyes scan the room, taking in every exquisite detail that came into focus. He noticed that in the short time he had been there the room had become quite more populated, bringing a wealth of people both new and familiar.

And no sooner did that thought pass through his mind than something caught his eye in the doorway – something that caused his heart to drop straight into his stomach as shock overtook him.

In that split second – that fleeting moment – five years of work readying himself for this exact situation completely unraveled, leaving him to realize that no matter how he tried to deny it, there wasn't enough strength in the world to keep him from falling apart.

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**Snap. :D**

**Confusing you yet? If so, good. If not, well just don't ruin it, alright? :)  
**


	3. Not the Same

**Okay. Onward we go!**

**This is going to be the last update until early next week, as I'm starting another job, have a friend visiting this weekend, and haven't written the next chapter yet.**

**Unfortunately you won't find out what's up yet, but next chapter things will start to make more sense. This is a bit more of the backstory, and once again we're going back to before the gala.**

**Oh, and a gala is just a big fancy expensive party. FYI :D**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 3 - Not the Same  
**

"_Are you ready yet?"_

Angie Thompson rolled her eyes and smiled, having heard the same question five times in the last ten minutes, by a certain brunette surgeon who happened to also be very impatient.

"Will you just settle down?" she replied, poking her head out the door as the man in question smirked and sat back on the couch, kicking his feet up as he waited for her. "I'll be done in five minutes."

Returning to her bathroom, Angie's slender fingers reached up on the top of her head and pried open the clip holding the remainder of her un-styled hair, allowing the blonde locks to fall loose. Separating the last chunk into two smaller ones, she instantly grabbed the one on the left side of her face and began rolling it up in the curling iron as she leaned her head to the side and examined herself in the mirror.

Her wide eyes were perfectly lined with a thin black frame, lids shadowed with dark, shimmery, charcoal shadow that deepened the green in her eyes, lashes were coated with mascara and curled just enough to bring about a more feminine tone to her face.

She let the strand fall from the curling iron and picked up the final chunk of uncurled hair, twisting it around the silver barrel while further examining herself in the mirror.

Pale cheekbones touched with the slightest hint of blush and lips plump and perfectly pink, Angie did not so much as smile when she realized it was the best she had looked in a long time. Instead she simply unraveled the last chunk of hair from the curling iron and set the tool on the counter, spraying her head with a light mist of hairspray as she turned around and walked back into her bedroom, allowing the curls a moment to set.

Reaching onto her bed she pulled her brand new and quite expensive sparkling dress into her hands. She had spared no expense in dressing up for what was going to be one of the most important nights she could ever remember, and just thinking of it made her heart skip a beat, though still, no smile grew on her lips. Lowering the dress down to the floor, Angie gingerly stepped into the full length gown, pulling it slowly up her body until it was in place. Tying the two inch-thick shoulder straps into small bows, she reached onto her dresser and pulled the heart-shaped diamond and platinum necklace Derek had given her years ago into her hands, fastening it around her neck - where it hung nearly every day since the day he had presented her with it. Spinning around Angie walked back into the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror, using her fingers to tousle her hair from tight spirals into big, fluffy, romantic curls.

It was then a warm smile grew on her lips as she admired her hair, fingers absentmindedly tracing over the silver heart on her chest.

"_Just the way Derek likes it..."_

In times like those, it was hard for her to keep her mind from wandering, thinking of the man she had been in love with for so long.

--

_Standing in the bathroom with a frustrated sigh, Angie pulled the last chunk of her long blonde locks through the curling iron, holding it for the painstakingly long amount of time necessary to curl the entire length. From outside in the living room Derek groaned, having let himself into her apartment nearly forty-five minutes prior to that time. She hadn't even come to the door to answer it, just simply calling him and telling him to come in and wait in the living room – that she would be out as soon as she could._

"_Angie, it's been nearly an hour! I'm starviiing!" he whined, pushing her frustration even further._

"_Will you just hold on a minute? I'm almost done!" she replied, pulling the barrel from her hair, the chunk now a bouncy curl._

"_What are you doing in there!?" he asked. "Do I need to send in a rescue crew?"_

"_Derek, just… be quiet, alright?!" she replied, rushing quickly over to pull on a long, black sparkling dress before she landed in front of the mirror again, shaking her hair around until it relaxed into bigger curls. A smile landed on her lips as she thought about the conversation her and Derek had just two weeks before, where he wondered as he played with her hair one late night why he had never seen it anything but straight._

"_Because it takes two hours, that's why..." she muttered underneath her breath._

"_Angie, seriously – can I help you with something...?" he asked, and from what she could tell, did so with his face pressed to her closed bedroom door. She answered by pulling said door open, leaving the surgeon nearly knocked off of his feet. Shocked by the difference in her, Derek's mouth dropped wide open before he broke into a huge grin, leaving her to blush and giggle._

_He stammered for something, anything to say to express what he was feeling at that moment, but his fumbling did nothing but leave Angie to just laugh harder, realizing there were very few moments in his life that Derek Stiles was ever speechless._

"_Oh come on – two hours of work and you don't have anything to say?" she joked, her eyes dancing with amusement, though it quickly dissipated into wonder as he took a step towards her and took her hands into his, kissing her lips once passionately._

"_I love you..." he said as matter-of-fact as could be, leaving the blonde's green eyes to shoot wide open, her face displaying shock while his showed sincerity. Both knew that it was the first time either one of them uttered the words, and honestly speaking, Angie hadn't known until that point if her feelings could be called love, because it had only been a short time._

_Though once she heard him say it and felt her heart flutter in her chest as his eyes bored softly into her own, she became aware of just what Derek meant to her, and let the words flow out without a second thought... but instead, with a huge grin._

"_I... love you too, Derek..." she replied, giving him no other option as her lips pressed against his, his strong arms instinctively wrapping around her back as the kisses deepened, curled blonde hair cascading all around them even as they pulled back and smiled._

"_I swear..." Derek said, brushing a strand from her face. "Angie, you never, EVER, fail to take my breath away... "_

"_Derek..." she said embarrassed as if to dismiss him from going any further, though he grabbed onto her arms and looked her straight in the eyes, delivering words she would remember the rest of her life._

"_I'm being serious – I knew I loved you since nearly the first moment we met. And no matter how you look, where you go or what you do, I need you to always remember, no matter what – I will __**always**_ _love you with everything I have. Nobody else – you're it. You're mine, and you're right here…" he said, pulling their clasped hands over his heart. "Don't ever forget that..."_

_Angie nodded, the smile never leaving her lips, even as they met his again._

_Who knew a simple gesture could do so much?_

--

Snapping out of her daydream from another call in the living room, Angie took one last look at herself and grabbed her purse, walking out to where her doctor was waiting.

Though she knew he would never give the same reaction as the one she received on the day that seemingly never left her thoughts, Angie couldn't help but let her heart sink as the two of them walked out of their house and to the gala without so much as a smile or a single word about her appearance, though one thought pestered her among all others.

Even though she knew it was all her fault, it was crazy how things could completely change in such a short time.

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**Still confused? :)**

**I promise, you'll see what's going on next chapter. A little. I've still got more surprises planned... (evil laugh)**


	4. Heartbreak

**Alright, you wanted it, here it is. Now you find out why everyone's acting so weird.**

**Enjoy :)**

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**Chapter 4 - Heartbreak  
**

"_Derek…?"_

_Poking his head through the door into the tiny room where his best friend sat in silent isolation, Tyler Chase felt the bright smile on his face immediately dissipate when Derek locked eyes with him. His desolation was immediately evident even though it was masked by a smile that didn't fool Tyler for a second. Stepping into the room he sighed softly and closed the door behind him, having just noticed the small, white piece of paper Derek was holding in his hands._

"_Dude..." Tyler said gently. "I say this 'cause I love you, Derek... it's been two years. You're never going to let it go if you don't get rid of that...!"_

_He took a step forward and Derek pulled the paper into his chest defensively, his eyes narrowing. "You don't get it – I CAN'T!" he nearly-growled, stopping the blonde in his tracks. "I've tried, but I c-can't do it... and it makes me sick."_

_Tyler paced forward bravely and took a seat next to Derek, holding out his hand for the paper. Derek locked eyes with him and shakily placed it into his hand, watching him as cautiously as could be._

"_I don't understand why you still have this..." he said softly. "This is what started all this pain, Derek... this put you into the darkest spiral I've ever seen – it's what changed you into someone I barely even know anymore."_

_Derek just kept his eyes forward, watching every little movement the paper made in Tyler's hands, and keeping himself ready to grab it back at a second's notice. A silence passed between the both of them before Derek spoke up, surprising both Tyler and himself._

"_I have to keep it..." he said matter-of-factly. _

"_Why?"_

"_...Because if I didn't keep it, it wouldn't remind me of how I got to where I am today. How even though I got my heart torn out of my chest that day, I got a second chance... redemption. That paper reminds me of the mistakes I let myself make in the past – those I won't make ever again..."_

_Tyler looked up at him gingerly, folding the paper back up along its worn creases – creases that were weathered as a result of the small note being folded and unfolded time and time again. He outstretched his hand to give it back to Derek but pulled away at the last second, two pairs of brown eyes now locked with one another – one set pleading, the other set nervous._

"_Derek..." Tyler whispered. "I'll give you this back if you can honestly tell me one thing..."_

--

Even though the bar was across the room from the entrance, Derek's sharp gaze caught the person in question the second she stepped in the door, causing him a wave of emotions so strong he nearly dropped the drink in his hand – his whole body paralyzed.

"_What is she doing here?"_

He took a staggering step backwards when he felt his legs ready to give out on him, pure shock pulsing through every inch of his body.

"_Should I talk to her? Should I ignore her?"_

"_Seriously – what is she DOING here?!"_

Brown eyes quickly clamped shut as he took a moment to regroup, realizing that even a glance had burned the sight of her into his brain…

…in exactly the same way the memories of her stayed put all those years, plaguing him every time he dared close his eyes.

"_Derek, do something before she sees you...!"_

Feeling his body temperature instantly rise in his near-panic, Derek opened his eyes and found himself planted firmly in his spot, unable to move even though his mind was nearly screaming for him to make a run for it. It didn't matter how many negative things he was thinking, how bad he was panicking... his mind focused on one thing, and one thing only – one thing that made him sick to his stomach:

No matter how he tried, he absolutely couldn't take his eyes off of her.

In a sparkling floor-length ruby red dress, hands gingerly holding a small purse in front of her, Derek just watched as her eyes gently scanned the room, taking in the striking sight just as he had done when he had first arrived. She stood gently in place, undisturbed by anything or anyone, which gave Derek a clear sight of her – a sight that shattered him from the inside out.

"_She can't be here... why is she here?!"_

Another wave of nausea overtook Derek again as he continued to stare, unable to pry his eyes from the unimaginably beautiful woman that he should never have been thinking about in the first place – the woman that had been consuming his thoughts for as long as he had known her.

"_I've never seen her look more beautiful in my life..."_

Unsure if it was the five years they had gone without seeing each other or if she really had become more alluring in that time, Derek remained standing at the bar with his legs ready to give out on him, every memory of her that he had fought to destroy flooding back to him in full force. And even though he pictured her face in his mind every single day, he knew that nothing could've possibly prepared him to see her in front of him once again. Nonetheless, he had still tried with every part of himself to get ready – and he thought he was going to be okay… a sad thought that among other things, had also proven to be untrue.

Derek knew one day they were going to cross paths again, for it was inevitable – however, the sheer surprise of the moment left him crumbled after so much work he had done to try to be strong. For five years he had willed himself to hate her – to think every bad thought about her that he possibly could in order to destroy the good memories that occupied nearly every last part of him – the memories that no matter how he adamantly denied, were a reflection on the happiest time in his life. Memories that while he thought for awhile had been overshadowed, were freed in that moment as he stared on at her, the same heavy heart pounding away in his chest that all this time, was supposed to be beating for his faithful nurse and proclaimed love of his life.

But now, this day, the love of his life didn't even cross his mind as he stared across that grand room, five years of preparation instantly unraveling and leaving him a shell of the strong-willed man he thought he had forced himself to be. It was stupid to even try to pretend to forget about her – the woman who haunted his every dream, every conscious thought… the woman that he had adamantly worked to banish from his mind, and the woman whose presence in his life had become the darkest secret he had ever held.

So dark, not even the woman who he had sworn himself to had heard anything about her.

Derek was beyond sick now, fingers gripping onto the bar as he tried again and again to look somewhere, anywhere else – though again his mind fought him adamantly, trying to look over at the beautiful blonde nurse waiting for him… the one that had loved him with everything she had from the very day she had told him so. But much to his dismay, he found that not even she was enough to tear his gaze away – making him feel just that much more horrible.

And just in that second, when Derek thought that it couldn't possibly get any worse, she finally spotted him looking at her – eyes boring into his soul and annihilating every piece of sanity he had left. It was the same way she had always looked at him – the way that made his heart beat like never before… the way that made him want to repeat the same mistake he had made all those years ago. The mistake that made him realize how terrible of a person he was for never being able to push her out of his mind.

But in all reality, no matter how much time or distance lied between them, Derek had to admit as he held a stare with that woman across the room that his efforts had all been in vain – every last one.

Because no matter how hard he tried, how hard he worked to banish her from his thoughts – he would never forget her for as long as he lived.

And just as he realized that he was indeed in love with the woman who shared his stare from across the room, she began pacing his way, eyes never straying from his.

It was in that moment that using the word nauseous, was an understatement.

That was the moment after five long years, Derek Stiles found himself once again staring back into the eyes of the woman who no matter how hard he tried, he could never stop thinking of – the woman that had seemingly ruined him with her absence from his life.

Now standing just a few feet in front of him, her sparkling red dress flowing out as she walked, Derek felt his breath catch in his throat as she finally came to rest just a few feet away from him, her eyes still locked with his.

He stood perfectly still.

"_You ruined my life... why are you here?!"_

"Hi, Derek…"

The surgeon felt his eyes close for a brief moment before they opened again, the sound of his name on her lips destroying him even further than he had been before – it was a sound he hadn't heard in too long… a sound so sweet it almost broke him from the anger he had towards her, anger that wanted to come out in full force.

But with a deep breath and a lot of courage, Derek finally felt himself be able to spurt out some sort of greeting to her, missing the feeling of getting to say her name out loud.

He half-smiled, brokenheartedly.

"Hi, Angie…"

--

_A chilling wind passed through a small window in an Angeles Bay apartment, paired with buckets of rain being dumped onto the city. It was a cold enough breeze to freeze a native of the town, especially if they had no source of heat in bed with them._

_But lucky for Derek Stiles, he had fallen asleep next to Angie – the woman he loved so much it nearly consumed him... _

_...so, why was he chilled by the breeze?_

_Blinking his eyes open once to see raindrops pelting the window, some of them leaking in through the open screen and pooling on the windowsill, Derek closed his eyes again and shivered, instinctively turning over in search of his source of warmth._

_Still drowsy, Derek pulled his blankets over him more and slowly rolled over, a sleepy smile on his face until he finally rolled all the way over, smile replaced by a confused frown._

_He was alone._

_Even without his glasses he could see something had been left for him and he instantly relaxed, knowing that being the lazier of the two of them, Angie had a tendency to leave him notes in bed instead of disturbing him when she grew too restless to sleep._

_Clumsily smacking a hand over to the note he picked it up and tried to decipher it, failing miserably as he simply cut his losses and reached for his glasses, sliding them on his face._

_And no sooner did he do that then he had no more trouble staying awake, eyes shooting open wide and back lifting off the mattress as he sat up quickly and read the words over and over again, panic setting in instantly._

"_No... no, no...!" he whispered, reading it over and over again, trying to make the best of the words but to no avail – they definitely were no good._

"_No, Angie... please, no..."_

_She had definitely made her decision, but as Derek's eyes filled with tears he quickly blinked them away, his head shooting instantly to the side to look at the clock:_

_Her flight left in forty-five minutes._

"_Shit...!" he hissed, jumping from bed and not bothering to prepare himself in any way as he darted from her apartment, finding her luggage and her purse gone with a quick check before he left._

_Paying no mind to the exhaustion that came from sprinting, Derek raced out into the pouring rain and into his car, firing it up and tearing from the parking lot with a screech that echoed through the morning air. All but ripping on his seatbelt he felt his fist tighten around the piece of paper, as he had refused to let it go since the first moment he had picked it up._

_A hand clumsily reached into his pocket as he all but flew around a corner, stepping on the gas again to get him going faster – he was running out of time. Trying his best to look at the phone and the road at the same time, Derek speed dialed Angie to try to hold her off from leaving, growing thoroughly angry when it went straight to voicemail – her phone was off._

"_Son of a BITCH!" he shouted, whipping his phone to the right of him, as it served him no purpose anymore. He stomped the gas down to the floor and weaved through the city traffic, trying to fight impending tears as he kept a mindful watch on the clock – a half hour from now it would be too late... she would be on her way across the country._

"_It's not over yet... It's NOT over!" he felt himself mumbling, biting his lip firmly as his heart thumped away in his chest. He wasn't going to let the woman he had loved more than anyone in the world, the woman he had given his entire heart and soul to, leave him without a fight – because to him, she was the only thing in his life worth fighting for._

_He loved her. She was his source of strength, and without her..._

_Derek shook his head, refusing to give into finishing that thought just yet. His car flew into a parking space just out front of the airport and he leapt from the car and dashed inside, quickly purchasing a plane ticket to a random Californian city just to be able to pass through the gate. Surprisingly he passed through the security checkpoint in a short amount of time due to having absolutely nothing with him, and he set off in a mad dash, looking for Angie's gate frantically. His tired legs carried him through crowds and crowds of people before he finally stopped and looked at a flight board, finding her plane with only one problem:_

_He only had three minutes left._

"_Dammit...!" he grumbled under his breath again, sprinting through the busy terminal without regard to anyone else except himself, his usually polite demeanor taking a backseat to saving the greatest love he would ever know._

_Skidding around the corner, Derek froze when he saw the attendant at the gate closing the door to the entrance to the plane, prompting him to yell out loudly._

"_WAIT!" he screamed, causing nearly everyone in the vicinity to turn and look at him as he sprinted for the attendant, slamming his hands on the podium with a large thud as he struggled to catch his breath. The door had since been closed but the attendant was still standing there, looking at him questioningly as he panted._

"_Y-You ca-can't... p-please, th-this is an emergency!" he exclaimed in between breaths. "I-I need to talk to s-someone on that plane...!"_

_The attendant's forehead furrowed. "I'm sorry sir, the plane has already boarded and they're ready to go – I can't let you on."_

"_But it's an emergency...!" he exclaimed, leaning in dangerously close. "An absolutely emergency, I just need you to grab someone off the plane – or give them a message to get off the flight. It's an emergency...!"_

_The attendant went to pick up the phone in front of him but then stopped, seeing a movement out of the corner of his eye as the plane pulled away from the airport._

"_Once the plane starts to move I'm afraid there's nothing I can do... I'm sorry."_

_Derek flinched, thinking of the note still in his hand._

"_Please, there's got to be something..."_

"_There's not, sir... I'm sorry."_

_Another flinch, this time accompanied by quickly stemming tears as Derek just threw his newly purchased plane ticket into the trash and turned around, walking from the airport as he tried not to absolutely lose it._

"_I'm sorry..."_

_The only two words on the note read themselves over and over again in his mind, causing a build-up so painful he thought he might burst as he sadly drove back to her apartment, where the most devastating day of his life had unfolded. Somehow, he held it together until he walked into the front door of her now nearly bare apartment, kicking off his shoes as he paced back into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, placing the note on the nightstand as he grabbed her pillow and inhaled – his tired body slowly lowering down onto the mattress._

_It only took one smell of her and the feel of laying back onto the bed they had shared for years to obliterate every piece of sanity Derek had left, as his heartwrenching sobs easily began to overtake the sound of the falling rain outside._

_Even though he swore he wouldn't let her go just earlier that day, it was over... _

_...and he had lost everything._

--

Staring back into the eyes of Angie Thompson, someone he was obviously very unprepared to see, Derek couldn't help but think of the memory that never failed to eat him alive – the day that even after his pleads, she had left him… which to this day, made him swear that being with her back then was the biggest mistake of his life – one he would never forgive himself for.

"How have you been…? It's been a long time…" she said quietly, taking a hesitant step forward and holding out her arms to a hug, to which Derek gave in. Pressing his cheek against the crown of her head he inhaled the sweet scent of honey-vanilla shampoo – her favorite - before he stepped back with a nervous chuckle, putting more of a distance between them than before.

"I'm, g-great!" he stammered, itching the back of his head. "I'm uh, just g-great, I'm doing the same old thing but still loving it…"

Angie frowned slightly as Derek rambled on – it had been a long time since they had seen each other but she knew that he only rambled on like this whenever he was uncomfortable with something. Not surprised by the less than warm welcome he had given her, Angie simply allowed him his space and just nodded, failing to return his smile – something that from the very moment he had seen her, he noticed she was lacking.

"You look, great…" he complimented her, smacking his head as he tried to change the subject. "H-How are things going with the job?"

"_The job you left me for – the job that was so important you ignored me when I begged you with everything I had to stay...?"_

Angie's eyes showed a pang of disappointment, to which she quickly hid by lowering her gaze to the ground.

"O-Oh, I just quit, actually…" she said softly, causing him to become instantly concerned – she only got that quiet when she was really upset.

Instinctively taking a step towards her Derek felt his nervousness fade, not even noticing the reaction that a sad Angie caused his body to have.

"I'm sorry to hear that... what happened?" he said sincerely, taking a moment to take in the sight of her. The sparkling ruby dress cut tastefully low in the front but barely had a back, and the shoulder straps were tied into small, perfect bows that gave her a feminine elegance. Her hair was perfectly curled – just how he liked it – and her makeup the perfect addition to such an already beautiful face. She looked damn good, and he had trouble denying it – especially when he let his eyes wander to how the dress hugged her whole body, images of what she looked like underneath it from when they had been together regretfully swimming through his brain.

He couldn't help it – she was simply the most beautiful woman on the Earth.

"I, uh…" she stopped, averting her stare away from him as he looked on at her, wondering what caused the sudden change.

And as soon as he was about to ask her Derek felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a chin settle on his shoulder, casting a glance to his left to see the other blonde in his life smiling at him, taking her drink from the bar with a giggle.

"You know, when I asked you to get this I DID assume you'd be bringing it back to the table…" she joked, sharing a laugh with Derek as Angie looked on at the two of them, her heart thumping against the walls of her chest.

"I know, I just got a bit distracted, that's all…" he replied, as the blonde moved to stand next to him, eyes silently looking Angie over.

There was an awkward silence between the three before Derek recoiled slightly, knowing that he had to say it, but also realizing that he in no way wanted to.

"I'm sorry, forgive me for being rude…" he started, turning towards the woman at his side. "Jessica, this is Angie Thompson – my old assistant."

The blonde's eyes lit up at the mention – obviously Derek had told her nothing about Angie.

"Oh my God… so YOU'RE the famous 'ghost nurse' that he spent years with, yet I never got to hear anything about…!" she exclaimed, holding her hand out to shake Angie's, who just sent a glance Derek's way before smiling back at her former doctor's new assistant. "It's such a pleasure to meet the woman who cracked Derek into shape – I'm Jessica."

"I'm guessing you're Derek's new assistant…?" Angie questioned with a small smile. "Well, it's very nice to meet…"

"Angie…" Derek interrupted her, sharing a pained glance with her as he bit his lip, trembling from the inside out.

"Hmm…?" she replied, raising an eyebrow as she tried to interpret the look in Derek's eyes.

However, just like Derek had learned that same day, there's no way to prepare for the surprises life has waiting.

No way, at all.

Derek sighed.

"Jessica… is my wife."

--

_"...are you going to ask me, or what?"_

_Derek sat next to Tyler still, his precious piece of paper still curled in the blonde's grasp._

_Tyler__ sighed._

_"You have to tell me, that you're not still in love with Angie... and that before you go out there, you'll toss this and be done with it, or else..."_

_"Or else what...?!" he nearly roared, rising to his feet._

_"Or else you CAN'T MARRY SOMEONE ELSE!" Tyler yelled back, trying to knock some sense into Derek before it was too late – namely, twenty minutes before his wedding was set to begin._

_"Oh, you just think you know everything, don't you?!" Derek yelled, cut off once more._

_"I know it's wrong to marry someone who is really truly in love with you when all you think about is someone else!" he came back, pacing towards his friend. "I know it's not right to hold onto something that DESTROYED you and playing it off as a good thing when we both know that you're afraid to let Angie go – that you still think she's coming back!"_

_"I KNOW she's not coming back!" Derek yelled. "I know that, because she would've already!"_

_"Then why, Derek... why can't you just move on and be happy! You've got a wonderful woman that you're about to marry who loves you with all her heart, and you're sitting here on your wedding day still pining for someone who left you five fucking years ago!" he exclaimed, watching Derek recoil at the uncanny use of profanity. "You can't marry Jessica if you're still in love with Angie – it's seriously not right, and it's not going to make you feel any better!"_

_"I don't love her...!" Derek replied, slinking down into his seat. "I don't, I don't love her... she ruined my life! She took EVERYTHING from me...! I don't love her... I don't! I don't love Jessica...!"_

_Both Tyler and Derek reared back as he heard himself say it, a shock settling across his face while Tyler just raised a sad eyebrow, his hand coming to rest over his mouth._

_"...Angie." Derek whispered. "I don't love Angie..."_

_"Derek..." Tyler said softly, watching as Derek's eyes began to tear up. He all but ripped the paper from Tyler's hands and after taking a shaky breath, began to tear it up as he fought the urge to cry, slowly losing._

_"Derek, I didn't..."_

_"There." Derek said matter of factly. "That's the last thing I have from her. Are you happy?"_

_"I..."_

_"Come on..." Derek just replied, his voice flat and detached. That paper was the one concrete memory of Angie he had left, and now it was as obsolete as she was, leaving him horribly depressed on what should've been the happiest day of his life, yet had turned out to be the second-worst...  
_

_The day he married someone he didn't love._

* * *

**:D  
**

**Tell me you saw anything in this chapter coming, and I'll call you the biggest liar on the planet.**

**So, this is where I should mention, because I couldn't before for risk of ruining things, that this is the sequel to "I'm Sorry". So, if you haven't read that, you probably should so that this makes more sense.  
**

**I know, there are some discrepancies between "I'm Sorry" and this, but little things like there being sun in the morning instead of rain. (shrug) I don't care.**

**Well, it gets interesting from here - tell me what you thought, please :)**


	5. Premonition

**Holy crap - would you believe it? I have an update! YAY! :)**

**So, I know it's been awhile and for that I'm very sorry. I love this story to death, and while I've had a lot of people yelling at me to update Hostage, I've gotta go where my inspiration strikes... so, here I am. Sorry for the long wait, I really am... this is the hardest year of school I've had since, well, ever, and working two jobs has left me with little time to breathe (let alone update), so yeah. That's a little background on where I'm at right now.  
**

**Anyway, I won't waste any more time. I know the last couple chapters have been relatively curveball-ish and pretty revealing, and while this chapter has its quirks it's more setting the stage for future chapters and getting everyone caught up with the first four... so yeah, a little bit of filler for ya.**

**And apparently in my absence I haven't skipped a beat - 5150 words strong, just like old TCGeek :)  
**

**So, without further ado, here it is! Enjoy! :D  
**

**

* * *

Chapter 5 - Premonition  
**

"Jessica… is my wife."

As if she had just been slapped in the face, Angie took a small step backwards in shock as her eyes remained locked with Derek's. Trying not to look upset or make the situation any more awkward than it already was, she forced a bright smile and looked over at the woman who now held Derek's heart. Jessica smiled back and linked her arm with Derek's, looking up at him with a loving smile though his attention was still on Angie. Even though it had been five years, he still knew her better than anyone else – and for that reason alone, they both knew that he knew what she was really thinking.

"That's so g-great!" she finally stammered out, though a little late. "Wow, Derek… congratulations…!"

It took everything Angie had to hold in the tears that now pricked at her eyes, instead donning a very forced smile, one that apparently Jessica took for real, as she giggled and smiled along with her.

"I'm sorry, I won't interrupt any longer…" Jessica interjected again with another smile, reaching over Derek and taking her drink off of the bar and into her slender hands. "I'll leave you two to catch up…"

Angie was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when Jessica stopped and turned around, a questioning look on her face.

"Wait… your last name is Thompson, right?" she asked, and immediately Angie felt a nervous festering in her stomach.

"Y-Yes…" she answered quietly with a nod of her head, dropping her nervousness when she saw Jessica smile.

"Well, it looks like we'll all be doing some catching up tonight – your name is at the seat right next to Derek… isn't that awesome, honey?" she asked, turning towards her husband.

Derek reluctantly pried his eyes away from Angie and sent a soft smile his wife's way, nodding softly.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'm going now…" she grinned again, spinning around and letting her light pink dress fan out around her. And although Derek's eyes were on Angie, Angie's were on Jessica, watching her walk away and noting something very important in the back of her own mind.

It was in that moment, as the new blonde nurse in Derek's life walked away, her fingers tracing the stem of her drink the same way Angie's did whenever she held a glass, that Angie realized Jessica was the splitting image of someone very familiar.

Herself.

Jessica was just like Angie in nearly every way. Same long, flowing blonde hair, same bright and wide green eyes, same complexion and apparent love for the color pink…

And most importantly, same taste in men.

There were differences, however, and Angie could easily spot those as she began to pick herself apart, self-confidence as low as it had ever been at that particular point in time. And this night – the night she looked as pretty as she had ever looked in her whole life, Angie began to feel every part of her posture slump in dejection, knowing that no matter how much she tried, he was never going to see her in that way again. Someone new had taken her place, stepped into Derek's life and trumped her in every way she could possibly think of – namely, the ways that Derek had reminded her were special about her when they had been together. The things that made her one of a kind, and the things that had made him fall in love with her…

Suddenly, Angie realized how long she had been staring at Jessica and became embarrassed, now terrified to bring her eyes back to Derek in that moment. She was unsure of exactly how she felt about the situation, though she did know that it was in no way a good feeling, as told by the sickening cold that had spread through her entire being. Derek was of course feeling the uncomfortable air between them as well, as he had not expected for the two things he had dreaded for the past couple years to happen within such a short span of one another – seeing Angie again, and having her find out that he had married someone else.

Suddenly her face grew hot, realizing that no words had been spoken between them in what seemed like an eternity, and she blushed a fiery red, looking down at the floor.

"S-Sorry…" she muttered. "… I guess I just kind of spaced out there for a m-minute."

Angie raised her head to painfully look Derek in the eyes, seeing that he was looking at her with a slightly sympathetic yet sad gaze.

"S-She seems wonderful, Derek… I-I'm, happy for you…"

Derek smirked just slightly and it disappeared in an instant, his attention still more clearly focused on Angie's current distressed state. Though she was trying to hide it with everything she had, he saw right through her – a feat that of the people in her life, only he and he alone could accomplish.

"T-Thanks…" he replied softly, not even bothering to look over at the mentioned woman in favor of continuing to look at Angie, his heart still pounding away vehemently in his chest.

"So, wait a second…" he started, pulling her attention towards him again. "…you quit your job? Why?"

Angie paused for a second, tracing his question to right before Jessica had made her appearance – the question of why she had left the job she had abandoned him for… the job that had driven an irremovable wedge between them and brought an end to the happiest years of their lives.

"Well…" she started, looking even more defeated than before. Her eyes didn't meet his for more than a second at a time, instead favoring the floor and both of their feet instead. It was in moments like this she felt so lost, so incomplete. Moments when she just wanted to spill out all her troubles to him – collapse into the arms that had never failed to catch her before. Remembering that feeling was what killed her slowly with each passing moment, because she knew that unlike times in the past, she would never be able to do that again – she didn't belong with him, and the gleaming platinum band on his left ring finger was a stern and painful reminder of that fact.

"…I had no choice." she simply put it, now not even bothering to look at him, her embarrassment over the situation overwhelming her to the point that she literally wanted to sink to the ground and cry until she didn't feel like it anymore. Thinking that she could be strong through this was a complete joke – if she had been being honest with herself from the start, it would've been easy to tell that she lost her fire a long while back.

Or in better terms, it had been taken from her.

How could she possibly come clean to him – tell him the real reason that she had come back? After everything they had been through and the reasons she had given him for leaving in the first place, he'd surely never speak another word to her once she told him what he wanted to know.

It was too big, that she knew. And once he knew, Angie knew there was no way for her to possibly explain the real reason behind her sudden reappearance – to him, or to anyone for that matter. She was alone in her hell, as she had been from the moment it descended upon her.

As she was fighting the inferno of emotions inside her, Derek was closely studying her, noting to himself how much she had changed in those five years. His once unshakable assistant had disintegrated into someone so frail, so…fragile, that he felt saying one wrong word to her would break her into a million pieces right before him. Her eyes, once shining with a fire that could never be compromised, had not only lost their sparkle, but were swimming with sadness on the rare occasion that she would bring them up to meet his.

Most importantly to Derek, however, was above all, the one thing he noted had been missing from her since the moment she had stepped in front of him… the one part of her that when absent, made her barely recognizable to him.

And in that moment, as he recalled the first time he had learned that lesson, Derek felt his stomach knot itself in the most sickening way possible. Right then he began to look her over again, noticing that she looked skinnier than usual, and also that the weight of the world seemed to be resting on her shoulders, as told in her tired gaze. A combination of all of these things sent off a greater alarm than before in Derek's mind, and he began to wonder just what he had missed in her life in the past five years. She looked beautiful, there was no doubt – and to an untrained eye, everything may have seemed okay on the surface. But for someone that had seen her through all her ups and downs, Derek knew better – and he silently began hoping that he was reading the situation incorrectly.

Because if he wasn't…

…something was very wrong.

--

"_Ang...?"_

_Using his elbow to slowly nudge the door open, Derek's eyes traced the light from the halls of Caduceus as it trickled into the pitch black on-call room and cascaded over the figure sleeping soundly in the bed in the far corner. He sighed softly as he noticed she didn't budge, even as the light poured over her and illuminated her from head to toe. It was something he was sure that would've woken her up on any normal occasion, yet the recent turn of events in her life was far from normal._

_Trying to maneuver as best as he could, Derek pushed the door the rest of the way open with his backside, his hands occupied by a tray from the cafeteria that held a few small things for Angie to try eating. He had become gravely concerned about her in the few weeks following her father's death, as the loss had seemed to pack a punch to her so big that Derek feared she would never rebound – that the girl he had come to adore was going to be lost forever._

_As he walked in the room, Derek balanced the tray with one hand as he reached to turn on a lamp in the corner of the room, helping him to actually see where he was going as he slowly paced towards Angie's bed, his heart dropping as he looked on at her._

_She was losing weight by the day – the dark circles under her eyes had become more pronounced, and she was constantly exhausted, sleeping beyond what Derek considered to be a healthy amount. It seemed every spare moment she had was spent in the same bed in the same corner of the room, curled up with the blanket she had taken from her father's house upon his passing. It broke Derek's heart little by little to see her wasting away like this, and though she had been living with him since it had happened, he was unable to sway her into taking care of herself. _

_Through the whole ordeal, if there was one thing that had gotten better, it was definitely her stubborn side._

_Setting the tray down on the small nightstand close to the cot, Derek lowered himself onto the floor next to her bed and just sat there, his chin resting on the mattress and looking on at her as she slept, completely oblivious to his proximity, at that moment._

_All he knew was that he needed for her to get better. It seemed that every justification he had for this was selfish, besides the obvious reason that he cared for her more than anyone else he had ever known. It also dawned on him that although tragic, the ordeal had brought them undeniably close to one another – in just the past weeks alone they had shared embraces, caresses, thoughts, feelings, emotions and even kisses on more than one occasion, and as the time passed on, Derek longed for her to be back to her normal self. Selfish as it was, he knew that once she was back on her feet again they could truly be together, as they both had come clean about their suppressed feelings and had mutually decided to begin dating once the storm in Angie's life had passed. Though with each passing day, when she would awake in the morning and trudge through her day as a hollow shell of her former self, Derek found himself slipping into a depression right with her – it was with that experience he learned just how much of the happiness in his life she was responsible for... and without her, things weren't the same at all._

"_Hey... sweetie...?" Derek said softly, lifting his chin from the mattress and leaning forward, his lips pressed softly against her forehead to try to stir her. Not surprisingly she didn't budge, and as Derek moved onto the mattress and began to slowly shake her awake, he felt a prick at his eyes when she began to wake up, instantly beginning to cry as she came back into consciousness._

"_P-Please, Derek..." she whined in a soft whisper, beginning to sob lightly even as he leaned down on top of her and brushed the hair from her face, kissing her on the cheek as he held her close to him. "J-Just... let me sleep, I-I'm exhausted..."_

"_I know you are, Ang... but you've been asleep for most of your shift already, and you really need to get up. I don't want you to get in trouble."_

_With a few more sobs and subsequent whines, Angie rolled over and into Derek's lap, each of her hands gripping the tops of his legs as he began to trace his fingers through her golden locks, feeling quite guilty for having to pry her from her slumber._

"_I feel awful for this, you know I do..." he said, lovingly brushing the long locks with his hands and reveling in the feeling of passing them through each one of his fingers. "But I'm going to sit here with you – I also brought you something to eat, don't worry though, it's just something little."_

"_I don't want it." she promptly replied, burying her face even deeper into him as she latched onto his legs and refused to let him go. Much to her dismay, Derek managed to pry her from his lap and sit her upright, feeling awful as she began to cry again, collapsing into his chest momentarily before he pulled her back to look at her._

"_Angie, sweetie..." he began, heart breaking when he noted that look of pure misery in her eyes. "I'm only doing this because I care about you more than you know – you understand that, right?"_

"_No..." she began, sniffling once. And before she could even try to expand on that, he had already cut her off._

"_You mean everything to me, and you know that. I'm doing you and me both a favor by not allowing you to starve to death, and you know that's true. I know things may be hard now – I remember what it's like to lose a father and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through... but you can't give up like this – it's not what he would've wanted to see his little girl do."_

_Angie sniffled. "B-But..."_

"_No buts, Ang. You've gotta pick yourself up and get back at it, just like I tell you every single day. You can't let this take you down – if you do, you're not the strong-willed woman that I know your father loved you for..."_

"_I'm just not hungry – can't you get that, Derek?! I have NO appetite whatsoever, and that hasn't changed, and probably won't for awhile!"_

"_Angie..." he said sternly, taking her chin in his hand and turning her head to look at him. "You know the last thing I want to do is make you do something you don't want to do. But I can't watch you do this to yourself any longer... I care about you too damn much to watch as you waste away. It's been almost DAYS, Ang, and all you've eaten is scraps. And as much as it hurts me to say this to you, I'm doing it because I care – please don't make me force you to eat, because at this point... with how terrified I am for you right now, don't think for a second that I won't do it."_

_Angie's expression immediately turned to surprised as best as it could with her emotions running low these days, and she stared back at Derek in shock of what he had just said to her._

"_I know that seems harsh..." he interjected. "But if I have to do it, I'll do it."_

_He finished the end of that sentence with a stern voice that told Angie he meant business, but she could still see the love he had for her in his eyes. Staring at each other in complete silence, Angie leaned into him after a short time and crawled into his lap, hugging her arms tightly around his torso as he rocked her._

"_I'll eat whatever you brought..." she whispered, earning a relieved smile from the doctor as he pressed his cheek against the top of her head. "Just do me a favor, and hold me for a few seconds...?"_

_Derek tightened his arms around her and smiled gently, still rocking gently. "Of course, Ang... I'm sorry, you're just – scaring me, that's all. I never see you like this, and it kills me."_

_Angie sat up and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks, noting that the worry Derek spoke of was swimming through his eyes. Leaning towards him she gently pressed her lips against his and lingered for a moment, before pulling back and rubbing his cheek with her right hand. _

"_Ready?" he asked, goofy smirk still on his face from the kiss. She nodded gently and he seated her next to him, pulling the tray onto his lap so that she didn't have to hold it._

_In her own little world, Angie turned towards Derek to begin eating whatever he had brought for her when she stopped, looking at what was on the plate in slight shock. There, in front of her, laid three chocolate chip pancakes with syrup smiley faces drawn on them – the same ones her father used to make for her when she was a little girl._

"_D-Derek..." she whispered, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as she began to cry again, looking up at him incredulously as she tried to find words to say._

"_A long time ago when we were doing paperwork together, we were talking about things from our childhood, do you remember...?" he asked, starting to cut up the pancakes for her as he explained. She nodded slowly and he continued, bringing a forkful up to her mouth as she opened and took it, chewing softly as she waited for him to finish._

"_...Well, you told me that before your dad left, whenever you would get really sick or really sad about something, he would make you chocolate chip pancakes with syrup smiley faces to cheer you up..." he continued, bringing up another forkful of pancakes to her mouth. He glanced at her shining eyes and smiled softly at her, his free hand coming up to wipe tears from her cheeks as he finished._

"_I know it's stupid and probably a long-shot, but I guess I just hoped that even though you're in your 20's, it might still work..."_

_It took a few moments of staring at him for her to finally realize the lengths he was willing to go to make her happy, and once she thought it over, for the first time in weeks Angie let out a small giggle through her tears. It erupted into a shaky smile that slowly strengthened and stretched across her whole face as she giggled again, watching as relief flooded Derek's face._

_It had been way too long since he had seen her smile. It never mattered if she was grinning and giggling while making fun of him or because she was genuinely happy about something - either way, he could never get enough of seeing the smile he had fallen for on her lips. It was the biggest tell to how far she had fallen after her father's death – how devastated she truly was, because even through the storms they had fought together she had never let herself get as down as Derek had seen her in the past few weeks. The smile that had been missing from her face was something that had pained him to go without – and he never realized how much he missed it until he saw it once again, back where it belonged._

"_I can't believe you remembered something like that..." she said with the same smile cemented on her face, giggling again. "And I don't care that I feel like a dork f-for eating smiley face pancakes – they're really good...!"_

_Derek chuckled. "You think I didn't feel like a dork being the one that drew syrup smiley faces on them in the first place?" he asked, smiling bigger when he saw her take control of her own utensils and begin to eat more and more, until eventually everything on the entire tray had been finished – a feat he hadn't seen from her in weeks. Gently he set it aside and pulled her back into his embrace, kissing her forehead as she sighed contently and snuggled into his chest._

"_Thank you, Derek..." she whispered, hugging him more tightly than before. "Thank you for never leaving my side... I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately, but thank you for never giving up on me..."_

_Derek smiled. "I'd never give up on you, Angie... but you have to promise me something."_

_She turned her head to look up at him inquisitively._

"_...Promise me that in the future, you'll let me help you before you get to this stage. And also, that you'll never hide that smile from me again."_

_Angie snuggled back into him tightly. "I promise."_

_Sure, Derek was surprised that it took something so little to get her to turn around, but as he realized that he alone held the power to make happy no matter what was against her, he decided right then and there that he'd do anything and everything he needed in order to make sure that she was never for a second, unhappy like that again._

_--_

"Derek…?"

Snapping back into reality, Derek looked at Angie, who for once, was actually looking at him. When their gazes crossed, however, she averted her eyes back downward, playing with the small zipper on her purse as she spoke.

"I just wanted to say that I'm going to go sit down now…" she started, flickering her eyes up to his again long enough to see him nod.

"Alright… I suppose we'll do some more catching up later tonight."

Derek's forehead furrowed when he saw her grow visibly uncomfortable at the mere mention of more conversation, an avalanche of questions spilling through his mind as to what could possibly be causing a sudden change in her. He contemplated many reasons, such as Jessica, her job and why she had left, some other situation he didn't know about, or the most likely cause of her distress – himself.

As he pondered this Derek gave a little wave to Angie, noticing that she still did not look at him though she nodded in acknowledgement. Confused, he took a sip of his drink and turned around to walk back to the table, noting that the only person seated at it was Tyler. Thankful for this as it gave him a few minutes to rebound, Derek plopped down next to his best friend and nearly guzzled the drink in his hand, slamming it down onto the table with a loud 'clink' from all of the other dinnerware that had just been rattled around.

"It went that good, eh?" Tyler questioned, turning toward his best friend with a sympathetic gaze.

"Yeah… right…" was all Derek could mutter, staring down at the white tablecloth in deep thought.

"_...What is with her...?"_ he thought to himself, running his mind through the potential list of causes that he had already conjured up before they had even finished talking. _"Man, she's changed a lot... I barely even recognize her anymore."_

He sighed out loud, softly, fingers tracing the rim of his glass.

"_Is it me? Did... she not want to see me at all?"_

"_No, that can't be it – she was the one who walked over to me..."_

"_Is it, maybe..."_

"Derek!"

Snapped from his mental train-wreck, Derek turned to the side to see Tyler eyeing him questioningly, and looking far from amused.

"W-What? I'm sorry, I was just…"

"Thinking, yeah, I know…" Tyler finished, leaning into Derek closer.

"Dude… I know this is a shock, but you've gotta keep yourself together. You're already starting to lose it over her, I can tell…"

"It's not like that, she's…"

"No, Derek… listen." he interjected, catching Derek's attention. "I don't know what just happened there, but I was watching the whole time. Your WIFE is here with you tonight, man…" he hissed under his breath. "Just… you've gotta pretend like she's not here. Because if not, you're the easiest person to read when it comes to this… Jess is gonna know, and I know you don't want that."

"You've gotta help me then…" Derek whispered back, rubbing his face tiredly with his hand. "I'm not ready to deal with this… and on top of that, the only reason I'm thinking so much about this is because she's not her normal self – something seems way off about her."

"Derek…" Tyler sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment before they popped open again with a seriousness that even his best friend rarely witnessed. "It's been five years – of COURSE she's not the same as you remember her… people change, and spending so much time apart has probably molded her from the person you knew back then. Time passes, and people rarely stay the same."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts, Derek." Tyler said firmly. "I mean, honestly… did you expect the first time you see each other since the worst break-up in history to be all happy, fun, and giggly? This is probably incredibly awkward for her, being that she's the person who left in the first place – remember? Don't you think you would feel uncomfortable having to step back into your old life again, especially when you left things less than perfect?"

Derek stopped, thinking it over. He did have a very valid point, though something still nagged at him…

Realizing that there was no other way than to let it go, Derek did just that and relaxed against the back of his seat with a soft nod. "I guess you're right… it was just, weird. I used to know her better than anyone, and I could've sworn…"

"I know…" Tyler replied, knowing exactly where Derek was going with that thought before he even said anything. "But that's all in the past – and the past belongs in the past. You've done so much to move past that, and you don't want to go back there Derek… I've never seen you more miserable."

"Thanks, Ty…" he said with a smirk, to which Tyler nodded in acknowledgement. And not a moment too soon, either, because Leslie and Jessica just happened to be walking back from the bathroom that very minute.

"Hey, you…"

Derek smirked as his wife hugged him from behind and planted a kiss on his cheek, right before plopping into the chair next to him. Tyler moved to the other side of Jessica and Leslie followed him, all of them taking their seats as they spotted Victor Niguel, and his date – Linda Reid. The two of them hurried over quickly and after a brief introduction everyone was seated and already deep in conversation.

"_Did she leave? She's not here – where could she have gone?"_

"Honey…?"

Derek turned to his side to see Jessica staring at him, a bright smile on her face.

"Are you there? You seem to be off in outer space or something…" she questioned, smile dropping and eyes becoming instantly laced with worry when he didn't respond right away. Seeing this reaction Derek smirked softly, placing his hand on top of hers, which in her instincts, had come to rest on his knee.

"…I'm fine…" he replied, still tiredly smiling at her. "Just have a bit of a headache, that's all."

"Aw, that sucks…" Jessica said with a sympathetic pout, reaching up and gently rubbing her thumb over Derek's cheek softly as her other hand reached for her purse. Within a minute she had two extra-strength Tylenol in her hand and with her free hand, grabbed Derek's left and placed the capsules on his palm.

"Should take care of it in no time." she said with a smile and another quick kiss to his cheek, as they both settled back down and Derek popped the pills with the water that was in front of him.

Something about today told him that he was going to need those aspirin badly. Especially when he noticed that Angie was on his mind again, now wondering why her seat was vacant.

…or more noticeably, why two seats were empty.

"_...Two?" _He pondered to himself, wondering who else could possibly be coming besides Angie.

And as was the tell of the night, Derek just happened to turn around with impeccable timing…

So impeccable in fact, he was just in time to see Angie walking back into the room…

…on the arm of another man.

* * *

**Bahahaha. Sorry guys for another cliff, but hey - it's what I do best. :)**

**Thanks for reading, and I'll see you all soon I hope!  
**


	6. Unbearable

**Do I honestly have to tell you this is long or can we just assume this already?**

**Hi, everyone. I've got a lot on my mind and I can't sleep, so when I realized that this was three-quarters done and I never finished it, I figured no time like the present to honk it out.**

**The plot thickens, and it just goes downhill after this. :) Can't wait to show you what I've got planned!**

**Enjoy!  
**

**

* * *

**

"_I can't believe it..."_

_Leslie Sears and Tyler Chase sat in their shared office one early Thursday morning crowded around Tyler's computer in shock. It had been nearly a month since Angie had left, and since the mere mention of her name drove Derek into a downward spiral deeper than the one he was already in, Leslie and Tyler were trying to keep up with their friend in secret – namely, by the use of her Facebook page._

"_Did you have any idea...?" Tyler asked, looking over at his fiancée with a sad stare, who just shook her head, her eyes still on the screen._

"_No clue. I mean, we've talked here and there but we're both too busy to actually get into catching up. Not to mention the fact that I can't really talk to her with how much time we've been spending with Derek..."_

_Tyler nodded. It was true – his best friend was a complete and utter mess. Caduceus still hadn't filled Angie's position due to the lack of qualified candidates, and because of this, Derek was left realizing every single day that nobody was going to be able to top Angie's presence in his life. He had taken many personal days, slipped into such a deep depression that even his best friend couldn't recognize him anymore, and lost the drive and fire that had propelled him through his exciting, fast-paced, dream career. Nothing seemed to bring him joy anymore, and it seemingly grew worse with each passing day._

_However, the times Tyler had seen Derek at his worst were the days that a memory or thought about Angie would cross his mind. Reading the screen in front of him Tyler sighed, feeling obliged to tell his friend the news he had just found, but knowing that it would probably kill him._

"_What do we do...?" Tyler asked softly, rubbing his face tiredly with his hand. "We have to tell him."_

_Leslie snapped her attention back from the pictures of Angie in a cute summer dress with her new boyfriend at various places in the city of Paris to her fiancé, whom she looked at incredulously. "Are you NUTS?!" she asked. "Do you WANT to see him flip out?"_

"_Of course I don't...!" Tyler retaliated, careful to keep his voice down. "I just think that as my friend, I have to tell him. If we knew this and he found out another way and knew we didn't tell him, it'd hurt him even more... he deserves to know!"_

_Leslie huffed and crossed her arms. "That's just a chance we're going to have to take. You cannot tell Derek that Angie has a new boyfriend not even a month after she left him...!"_

"_...She what?"_

_Leslie's eyes immediately closed and Tyler whirled his chair around to the door, trying to close out the window as a shocked Derek came into view, standing in their doorway._

"_D-Derek, man..." Tyler started softly, giving up on the computer as Leslie just stepped in front of it to block it from Derek's view._

"_What did you just say?" he asked flatly and in a voice barely above a whisper, his eyes filling with anger and defeat by the second._

"_Derek, listen... I was, um... we were..."_

"_Move." he simply replied to Leslie, cutting off her speech before she could finish. She glanced at Tyler and they traded a stare, unsure of what to do in that moment. Gently she nodded and moved to the right of the screen, where a picture of Angie with her new Italian-looking boyfriend came into view._

_Derek gently stepped to the screen and looked on at it. Her status read, "In a Relationship", though no name was given as to the identity of her boyfriend. He just continued to stare at the page, the remnants of his heart crumbling and falling into the blackest part of his soul when it finally hit him. _

_She was never coming back._

"_I-I'm so sorry, man..." Tyler whispered, saddened expression a result of seeing his best friend fall to a point in his life lower than the one he had been residing at for the past month. No more words were exchanged for quite some time as Derek just stared on blankly, completely devoid of any and all emotion – as of then, there was simply nothing left._

_Reaching forward, Derek clicked on the "Send a Message" button, extending his fingers over the keyboard and stalling for a moment. _

_He had left her countless voicemails and emails after she had gone, begging her to come back – that he was sorry for everything and would do anything to have her back with him again. That he loved her with everything he had and nobody was ever going to be able to take her place in his life. That what she was doing was a huge mistake, and if he ever did anything to make her feel like less than the center of his universe, he was immensely regretful._

_But this time, instead of begging her to reconsider or asking her to come back, Derek merely typed a sentence and clicked the send button, lingering in the room for a moment before he removed himself from it and took the rest of the day off._

"_What did he send?" Leslie asked, walking over to Tyler as he went back into the sent messages folder and pulled up the message._

_It read:_

"_**That was quick."**_

_**-- Derek**_

_And though Derek didn't keep up with Angie after that, Leslie informed him a year later when her status was reset to 'Single', just days before she deleted her Facebook account entirely._

_Even though he felt guilty for thinking it, Derek hoped that whatever had happened between them, her boyfriend was responsible for. _

_Undying love for her aside, he wished that one day she would understand what it was like to lose it all._

--

Back at the gala, Derek just stared on at Angie as she walked in on the arm of another man, his eyes wide open as the sudden shock paralyzed him from the inside out.

"_It just keeps getting better and better..."_

Weaving slowly through the tables and growing ever closer to him, Derek sat up straight and tried as best as he could to change the expression on his face, even though it felt at the moment like the shocked stare was stuck there for good. Confused, baffled, and slightly hurt all at the same time, Derek brought his eyes up from Angie and onto her date, noting something that made him sick to his stomach once more.

He knew exactly who he was.

Seeing him coming, Tyler looked at Derek with wide eyes and crooked an inconspicuous thumb towards the two of them with his eyebrows raised, as Derek just nodded his head without saying a word. Both averted their eyes from each other as the pair approached the table, and all eyes gazed up in interest to prepare for the introduction of the stranger.

Becoming confused when the other people at the table were suddenly staring at something behind her, Jessica turned around and looked up at the tall, impeccably dressed, and very handsome man to Angie's right before her eyes popped open as wide as could be.

"Everyone, this is…"

"…DEAN?!"

The man in question snapped his head downwards to see that Jessica was already half-standing, recognizing her as soon as their eyes met.

"…J-Jessica? Jessica Rorke?!"

"Oh my GOD!"

Derek winced as his wife squealed at a harrowing pitch, and in a flash, was hugging Dean as both of them chuckled together in surprise. Derek, at that same moment, rested his hand over his forehead and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he thought to himself.

"_Of course... of course my wife knows Angie's boyfriend. Could this get any more fucking awkward?"_

"Sorry for the freak-out, there… it's just been so long since I've seen you…!" Jessica exclaimed, sitting back down in her seat as Angie and Dean followed suit just next to Derek. "I can't believe this!"

"Well, let me get an introduction in real quick, then…" Angie butted in, flashing an eye at Jessica with a fake smile that once again, only Derek could spot. "Everyone, this is Dr. Dean McConnell. Dean, this is…"

"I know these two guys…" Dean said with a smile, pointing to Tyler and Derek whom he waved to. "Dr. Chase, Dr. Stiles… long time no see."

Angie was instantly taken aback when the apparent acquaintances greeted each other, and in her shock traded a quick uncomfortable glance with Derek before donning a smile and returning her gaze to her boyfriend as she introduced him to the unknowing occupants of the table.

"Now that all that is over-with… sorry for disappearing for a little bit." Angie said as she leaned back in her chair. "I forget this building can be confusing to people who have never been in it… even I got turned around."

"Ha! It's happened to the best of us…" Leslie said with a smile. "I remember _someone_ using the women's bathroom on his first week of work…"

"HEY!" Tyler exclaimed as everyone began to laugh. "You said you wouldn't tell! And it was an emergency…! Damn!"

"Well, that makes me glad I have my very own rescue crew…" Dean replied with another chuckle, leaning to his side and giving Angie a kiss on the side of her head.

Underneath the table and unknowing of anyone else besides himself, Derek's fists clenched tightly at his sides – once at the sign of affection and the thought of the two of them together, and again at the fact that the expression on Angie's face was extremely uncomfortable, at best.

Right then, Derek caught a glimpse of Tyler from across the table, his eyes slightly squinted and hardened in a stern manner – a subtle but effective way of reminding Derek about the conversation they had just before the pair had returned to the table.

This was getting to be too much to handle.

"Someone has to catch me up here… how does everyone know each other?" Leslie piped up again, finishing what was left in her glass of white wine.

"Well, Jess and I graduated from high school together… I guess it's so strange to see her here considering that it was in Pensacola, Florida…" Dean explained, smiling at her again.

"Yeah, we were best friends from like, fifth grade on… absolutely inseparable. Until college that is…" Jessica mused, a smile still on her face.

"So, Ms. Rorke…" Dean started, interrupted by the woman herself.

"Ah… Mrs. Stiles, to you…" she grinned, flashing the diamond on her left hand and cozying up to her husband who just sat there like a rock, trying to keep his thoughts straight. His eyes stared forward as his brain tried it's hardest to detach itself from his surroundings – an unsuccessful feat, seeing as how it was still inside his body. With Jessica on his left and Dean to his right, he was sandwiched between their very loud conversation, and it wasn't helping the clutter of thoughts already racing through the traffic-jam of emotions in his mind.

In that moment for a reason he couldn't explain, Derek's eyes diverted to the small, silver name tags on the table, noting that Angie's was at the seat next to his – the seat Dean now occupied.

"_...your name is at the seat right next to Derek... isn't that awesome, honey?"_

She _was_ supposed to be next to him, just like Jessica had pointed out earlier… but, she had moved on purpose. And now as a result, the torture of being stuck at that table was increased by a margin that Derek couldn't even begin to measure in his mind – a margin that forced him to realize that for some reason, Angie had to be doing this to him on purpose… there was no other explanation.

Although he tried his best to think this over, Jessica and Dean were quite the distraction, breaking Derek from every relevant train of thought he had as he began trying to make sense of the whole thing. Once he shared a quick glance with Angie but it only seemed to make things more awkward – it was no secret how much worse the situation was getting by every passing second, especially as both Derek and Angie began to realize how their relationships with one another had become intertwined again at some point in time without either of them knowing. Chocolate eyes flickering up to Dean and then quickly back down again, Derek suddenly slipped into a deep enough train of thought to be able to block him and Jessica's annoying conversation out, now thinking back to just days before when he and Dean had met for the first time.

--

"_Ah, there you two are..."_

_Sidney Kasal caught Tyler and Derek as they emerged from the break room after both had completed particularly difficult surgeries. On his left was another man, dressed in a nice suit and wearing a visitor's pass, a soft smile on his face as he looked at the doctors._

"_Derek, Tyler... this is Dean McConnell – Trinity Hospital's new head of surgery. I figured that since Trinity is so close and we are frequently working with them, it might be a good idea to bring him by to get acquainted a little bit. Dr. McConnell, this is Dr. Derek Stiles, our head of surgery and his associate, Dr. Tyler Chase."_

"_A pleasure..." Derek said with a confused smile, reaching out and shaking the man's hand as Tyler did the same._

"_Oh no, the pleasure's all mine – I've only heard the best about you two... it's an honor to finally meet you both."_

"_Dr. Stiles...?" Sidney questioned. "Is there something wrong?"_

"_Hmm?" Derek said, shaking himself out of it. "Oh, no, there's nothing wrong... I'm just a little confused. I thought Dr. Roberts was taking over as the head of Trinity?"_

"_Oh, he removed himself from consideration..." Dean interjected, passing it off as nothing though this just made Derek and Tyler more confused – the doctor had been seeking that position for years._

"_Yeah, he decided that the burden would be too big... he's still on staff, though. Seems to be happy right where he is..."_

_Both the statement itself and the air that it was sent off with made Derek and Tyler just smile and nod, both of them feeling that something was off. Roberts wasn't the type to back down like that, and they both knew it._

"_Oh well, there's more to do here..." Sidney interjected, beginning to walk away with the doctor._

"_It was nice meeting the both of you. Look forward to working with you two." he said as he and Sidney turned a corner._

_And as Derek and Tyler exchanged a confused glance, both knew that something about the whole situation was just wrong. _

"_Is that weird to you?" Derek asked quietly after they had left, earning a slow nod from his best friend._

"_Yeah..." he started, but then shrugged gently. "Oh well – maybe there's something going on with Dr. Roberts that we don't know about."_

"_But, he's been after that position since before I even became a doctor." Derek said earnestly. "It's just... weird."_

_Tyler shrugged again, moving to walk in the opposite direction. "Well, you and I both know what just a few years can do to a person. Maybe things have changed – maybe he's just been waiting too long. Oh well... you know the guy. As long as he's a doctor, all's right in his world."_

_Derek just stood staring at the hallway Dean and Sidney had just vacated, wondering what the feeling inside him at that current moment was all about. After a few moments of deep thought, he just shrugged and walked back to his office._

_If nothing else, it was simply something to keep an eye on._

--

"_If Angie's boyfriend is going to be the head of Trinity..."_

Derek snapped back from his flashback as another wave of nausea swept through him, tracing again to his and Angie's conversation from earlier, when they had first seen one another.

"_...you quit your job? Why?"_

Before Derek could even put it together, his thoughts and more importantly, fears, were confirmed by Dean himself, catching everyone up on his and Angie's life much to the chagrin of the disgruntled surgeon.

"…and when I knew that I was getting the job, I talked to Angie and she jumped at the chance to move with me. Some girl I have that would give up her job and move across the country for me, huh?"

Leslie and Tyler eyes both simultaneously flickered to Derek, whose fists were clenched again at his sides, this time so tightly that he could feel his hands throbbing.

"_I'm glad she would do that for you. God knows she wouldn't do it for me..."_

"_Shit... why did he have to say something like that? Anything but that..."_

Hoping that this wasn't as awkward for Derek as it was for her, Angie sighed upon her boyfriend's words and just fronted another smile, her chest seemingly caving in under the weight of the tension by each passing second. Her elbow on the table, cheek resting lazily in her hand, Angie eyed the rest of the people seated around her with caution, trying to pick apart their expressions curiously, as she wondered if this was becoming uncomfortable for anyone else. If she knew her stuff as well as she thought, half of them were probably completely oblivious to what was going on in the first place – thankfully, especially Dean and Jessica.

"_Does she even know the half of mine and Derek's history...?"_

She couldn't. It wouldn't make sense – things would be much different, more awkward, less friendly and inviting.

…right?

Mind trying to make sense of everything, Angie suddenly felt as though breathing was growing extremely difficult as she looked over to see Derek's eyes diverted toward the table and Leslie and Tyler exchanging glances with themselves, her, and Derek. At the same time Derek's wife went along with her night, completely oblivious to the tangled web that surrounded her, but seemingly comforted by the constant drink in her hand. Things were becoming more intricate, uncomfortable, and involved by the moment, and as Angie thought it over, she realized that it was the only explanation for why Jessica was so oblivious.

"_I haven't seen her without something to drink all night, come to think of it..."_

"What about you, Angie?" Victor asked, making his debut into the conversation and pulling the blonde from her focus on what she assumed was Jessica's alcohol problem. "What are you going to do?"

Realizing how long she had been absent from the conversation by the fact that she had no idea what she was really being asked, Angie sat up and dropped her hand from her face looking over at Victor with a soft smirk.

"Sorry… I kind of spaced out there. What am I going to do about what?"

"When Dean takes his position at Trinity." Jessica explained, a genuine smile on her face as she waited to hear the answer to the question.

For Angie, that moment was the time that everything came to a direct standstill.

She had been prepared for anything but that question, as the response she was about to give was one that needed to be put in a different way to nearly every person seated at that table. Seven pairs of eyes stared her down as they waited patiently for a response, noting different emotions in all of them. Jessica's, Linda's, and Victor's were completely benign and interested, genuinely wondering what her answer would be and partially, why she had stalled. Dean's were kind, already knowing what her answer was going to be but encouraging her to share the news with everyone anyway.

It was when she got to Leslie and Tyler that things became harder for Angie, her breath now stuck in her throat. Both of them stared on at her with confusion, knowing that something was up but unaware of what it could be. With each moment she didn't answer Tyler would take a cautious look at Derek, becoming more concerned by the moment as he took in his expression…

…which was that of pure fear.

"_...Don't say what I think you're going to say. Please..."_

Purposefully delaying her response as she questioned whether it would be a good idea to let it go this early, Angie found that her tongue was stronger than her brain as she let the words flow – desperately trying to get rid of the focus on her but regretting it the second she spoke.

"I… I've actually been offered another position at Caduceus..."

Silence instantly swept the table, each and every person stunned by the news in their own way.

"Oh my GOD!"

Closing his eyes half in irritation at Jessica's overzealous outburst and half because he had no idea what else he could do at the moment, Derek felt his heart drop into his stomach upon a partly sickening revelation – he knew now that while he could escape this night with ease, it would be much more difficult to escape his job. Which meant seeing her day in and day out - trying to fight every thought, feeling, and outburst that passed through his mind…

"_She has to be doing this on purpose."_

"Angie, that's so exciting! Oh wow – when do you start? It's going to be so fun to work together!" Jessica rattled off, her excitement growing as she added more awkwardness to the air, little by little.

A cringe rippled through every person except Jessica and Dean at the last statement, all of them realizing how much this was going to affect things at the tight-knit hospital. Even though Angie was still oblivious to the fact, everyone else knew that Jessica had no knowledge about Derek's relationship with his former nurse, including the demise he was still recovering from when she walked out on him five long years ago.

"I actually haven't accepted the position yet…" Angie corrected. "Sidney keeps trying to force it down my throat but I'm waiting to see how things pan out, I guess…"

"Oh, Angie – it's going to be just like old times!" Leslie smiled, genuinely excited to hear her friend was coming back, but knowing the drastic influence it was going to take on hers and Tyler's lives, just by being split between their two friends.

"It'll be nice to get to spend time with you again, Les…" Angie smiled, her happiness genuine as well. But as she caught a glimpse of Derek, who looked as though he was on the verge of a panic attack, Angie quickly became quiet and lowered her eyes downward– a move that beckoned no more questions from the table.

A short time after the initial awkwardness passed, Jessica and Dean went back to reminiscing, a move that increased Derek's frustration in his already irritated state. It frustrated him enough to see his wife drunk again, and the little reunion was doing nothing to ease that anger. They talked for a long while as Derek remained perfectly still in his seat, his mind completely blank as he wasn't even quite sure where to begin sorting through the mess his life had become that night.

"_I don't need a job that bad... do I?"_

Some time later, Jessica started to laugh loudly to Derek's side and Dean mirrored the action, now far into sharing stories from the past with one another and exponentially increasing the amount of awkward feelings in the air.

"Derek… aren't you listening?"

Derek turned his head to his wife with a blank stare, but forced a small smile when she looked at him questioningly. "No, I'm sorry – I just spaced out for a moment there. What were you saying?"

Jessica giggled, the toll of the drinks she had been downing the whole night becoming quite evident on her uncoordinated, loud, and ditzy actions, something that annoyed Derek greatly. "Just teasing you… I was just saying that this was the guy I had my first kiss with. You can beat him up now, if you want."

"Don't mind if I do..." Derek muttered under his breath, his heart beginning to race when he heard a voice to his side.

"What was that…?"

Derek slowly brought his eyes over to Dean – the other doctor now staring at him with an inquisitive eyebrow and a speck of annoyance in his deep brown eyes.

"Oh… h-heh, I was, um… saying t-that was funny, that's all..." Derek stuttered, reaching for his water glass to compensate – of all the times he had muttered something that was supposed to be in his mind, it had to be right then.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it…" Dean replied with a smirk, though the annoyance still lingered in his gaze, even after he turned away from Derek.

"_Why the hell would she tell me something like that, anyway? Oh, who am I kidding? She's completely drunk – I look like I married an idiot right now."_

"I know we were like, what, 16 and all, but that was still the best kiss I've ever had." Dean replied with a wink to Jessica, who just giggled.

That statement immediately snapped Derek back to attention as he sent a fierce glare Dean's way, at the same moment Angie's fork clinked as she dropped it onto her plate in a huff.

"_Wow – that's a great thing to say with your girlfriend at your side, you prick."_ Derek thought, as he dropped his glare with a roll of his eyes.

"Um… hello?" Angie interjected, pointing to herself as she turned towards her laughing boyfriend with an annoyed stare.

"_Oh dear God, he is not even starting this right now..." _Derek muttered to himself, slinking down even lower in his chair with the thought that if he did it gradually enough, he could slip under the table and nobody would notice that he was gone.

"Oh come on, Angie… don't be a bitch about it." was Dean's simple reply, sent off with an annoyance that instantly brought the conversation at the table to a screeching halt.

Derek's eyes opened in shock. _"Yeah, it's official – you're the biggest asshole I've ever met."_

For the first time that night, Derek genuinely smiled to himself after the initial piercing thoughts that crossed his mind, knowing Angie's reaction to situations like this better than almost anyone. He had said things to her in the past to try to calm her down, and although he had never called her anything close to that or presented it as completely disrespectfully as her boyfriend had just then, he knew that Angie was no type to be belittled in front of people or told what to do. And because he was being honest with himself in that moment, Derek knew that he was looking forward to nothing more than seeing Angie rip the guy into a pile of shreds, much like a lion tearing into a gazelle…

So, when instead of speaking up she just lowered her head, picked up her fork and began pushing around the food on her plate gingerly with hurt in her eyes, Derek sat up straighter in his seat than he had the whole night. His eyes fell on her with a thick cloud of confusion swimming in them, wondering why she wasn't standing up for herself like she always did in the past. He thought it over, landing on only one solution:

Maybe five years had done as much to her as Tyler had suggested.

Maybe she had given up on her stubborn attitude, maybe she had lost her love of debating…

And maybe… Derek didn't know her as well as he thought.

Painfully, it was in that moment Derek realized that all the things he had loved about her in the past seemed to be faded or nonexistent. The traits that he had encouraged her to hold onto no matter how difficult she made things at times were the ones that had become mere ashes from the fire that had burnt out inside her.

He wasn't sure what the reason was, but after thinking about it for awhile and earning another handful of glares from Tyler, Derek finally decided to let it go and move on.

Angie wasn't his concern anymore. And the main reason for that was not only that she had decided she didn't want to be any longer, but was also because she wasn't the same woman he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

She was right all along – maybe it was never meant to be.

Springing him and everyone else at their table from the awkward silence was a loud ring from Dean's phone, prompting him to get up and excuse himself from the table.

"Saved by the bell…" Tyler muttered, to which Leslie elbowed him in the ribs.

Trying to start up conversation again as she was not a big fan of silences, Jessica looked over at Angie with a smile, trying to help her forget about the unpleasantness that had just transpired. Though with the combination of her complete obliviousness about the situation and the fact that she was fairly drunk by that point in the night, it did more harm than good.

"So, Angie… how long have the two of you been together?"

Angie looked up at her in surprise at the sudden question, but answered nonetheless. "Just a little over a year and a half..." she said in a voice so soft it was barely audible – a huge change of pace from the loud and always-heard Angie that everyone was used to.

"Oh that's great for you…!" Jessica replied with a bright smile, completely unaware of the fact that the other occupants of the table were trading uncomfortable stares with one another and fidgeting nervously as it continued. "How did you meet…?"

"_She's talking to Angie about the boyfriend that just called her a bitch. Really, Jess?"_

Derek just closed his eyes briefly, shaking his head as he realized his wife wasn't the best at catching onto situations like this – both a blessing and a curse that night for sure.

He hated to see her drink – but that night, he was sure alcohol was a protective buffer that saved her from feeling as completely miserable as Derek did at that moment.

Even though they were bad now, things could certainly be a lot worse.

Angie set down her fork gently. "Well, the surgeon that I had been assisting retired, and when Dean moved down from New York and started working there, they placed me with him for awhile to kind of get the ball rolling. Once we started dating we split professionally, because of a standing rule at the hospital prohibiting it."

"Wow… that's unfortunate." Jessica replied. "I don't know what I'd do if Caduceus had a law like that…" she said, leaning into Derek and giving him a kiss on the cheek, causing him to become slightly embarrassed. His eyes locked with Angie's in the middle of the gesture, her eyes cold and devoid of any emotion whatsoever as she stared on at them.

"It is irritating at times…" Angie said, beginning to pick at her food again. "…especially because there's nothing like doing what you love…"

"…with who you love…" Derek finished, surprising everyone with his sudden entrance into the conversation. His eyes locked with Angie's and they traded a deep stare before she looked back down at her food uncomfortably.

"Exactly!" Jessica exclaimed with another tipsy giggle, still oblivious to the situation intensifying right in front of her. "Man, you two are right on the ball…"

As Angie flicked her eyes up to Derek once more before returning them to her plate for good, both of them were forced to remember that there was a reason no such rule existed at Caduceus.

And Jessica would never know the half of it.

--

"_You've GOT to be kidding...!"_

_Angie looked up from the paperwork littering her desk and over at Derek, who was nearly fuming over on the other side of their shared office, his angry eyes fixed on a single sheet of white paper._

"_Derek...? What's wrong?"_

"_You didn't see this yet?!" he yelped, nearly sprinting to her desk to wave it in her face._

"_All right, calm down..." she replied, taking the paper from his hands and beginning to read it over._

"_As passed down from the Angeles Bay Medical Society's vote during the last quarterly meeting, a relationship restriction is now in effect for all medical personnel in hospitals and other medical facilities around the tri-county area. Effective immediately, all members of the hospital are required to bring their relationships to the attention of the head of their organization so they may be reassigned to new personnel. Significant others, spouses, partners, and family members are all subject to this change and will be moved to prevent any of the affected persons from working in the same department. Thank you for your cooperation."_

"_Is this a joke...?" Angie asked when she was finished reading, her eyes scanning over the paper again._

"_We're going to deal with this. Now." Derek said, giving her no chance to refuse as he grabbed her wrist and nearly dragged her out the door and all the way up to Dr. Hoffman's office._

"_Derek...!" she said when they were just feet away from his door. "Stop – we need to calm down. You don't even know what you're going to say!"_

"_I'll figure it out later." he replied, not even bothering to knock as he burst through the doors of Hoffman's office, the doctor startled by the sudden entrance._

"_Dr. Stiles? Nurse Thompson? Do we remember how to knock?" he asked with a smirk, quickly abandoning it when he saw the serious look on Derek's face right before the paper was slapped face up on his desk._

"_You cannot be serious with this." Derek stated, letting go of Angie's arm at that point in time and walking forward until he was just inches away from the surgeon's desk. "Is this some kind of weird prank or something?"_

_Dr. Hoffman's expression turned sour. "I'm afraid not, Dr. Stiles... they voted yesterday and that is the verdict. I'm sorry, but this obviously will change the partnership that you and Ms. Thompson have."_

"_The partnership that we've had for years?" he questioned, voice raising with every passing phrase. "The partnership that helped us defeat GUILT and practically save the world? The partnership that made us the head of the entire surgery division of this hospital and by that, the top of the entire nation?! The partnership we've had LONG before we were even dating?!"_

"_Dr. Stiles..."_

"_No!" he shot in, cutting Robert off as the elder's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I know you're going to tell me to calm down but this is a huge deal. To take people who have been working side by side for years and are comfortable with one another and move them around at the drop of the hat... you really think that's the best way to go about this? To break up some of the strongest surgical teams you'll ever have just because a few pricks are bent out of shape about things that we choose to do with our personal lives? Things that affect work in no way, shape, or form because we have enough sense to maintain professionalism while we're in this hospital?"_

"_I can't do anything about..."_

"_You're the head of that entire committee! Don't tell me you don't have a say in this!" Derek exclaimed again, as Angie just stood by in shock and watched him go. Usually she was the one putting up a fight about things, and it was a refreshing change of pace to be on the listening side for once._

_Suddenly Derek quieted down and placed his hands on his hips, his eyes on the floor._

"_You know..." he started softly. "We don't get to think about ourselves a lot in this job. We're shipped everywhere, called in on days off and forced to cancel the sparing vacations we can scrape together, worked day and night without sleep, food, water... all for other people. All for this hospital, all for the sake of saving lives. And if you're going to tell me that we're going to be forced to choose between our personal and professional lives when really, it's those relationships that keep us going through thick and thin..."_

_Angie smiled at the statement and looked over at Derek, who was now fixed on Dr. Hoffman with one of the most serious stares she had ever seen from him._

"_...then you're not truly appreciative of what we give of ourselves. And if that's how this is going to be, I'm out that door today."_

"_Derek...!" Angie exclaimed suddenly, in shock at what he had just said. Giving up his dream job for the sake of saving their professional and personal relationship had to be one of the craziest things he had ever done. He turned his head towards her and looked deeply into her eyes as hers implored his for answers, suddenly giving up when she realized that the answer was simple – it was the love swimming through them that was there all along that was the cause of this sudden outburst of passion... and she realized she'd be a fool for letting him go it alone._

_She turned to Dr. Hoffman herself and cleared her throat gently, Derek's eyes still on her. _

"_If Derek walks, so do I." _

_Simply put but with a fierceness behind it that the director was afraid to reckon with, he leaned back in his chair and glanced at both of them before nodding, his hands crossed on his stomach._

"_I have to say I'm impressed, Dr. Stiles... usually I would see Angie as more of the one to come storming in my office..."_

_Derek smiled briefly, but cut directly back to the chase. "Sir, you know how much I love this job. With the amount of time we put in here, there is no way Angie and I would see each other if we weren't side by side every day. Not only that, we're so comfortable with each other's methodology by this point that it'd be a disservice to this and every other hospital under that jurisdiction to have everyone retrained with a new partner."_

"_There's nothing better..." Angie started. "Than the satisfaction of knowing you're doing what you love..."_

"_...with who you love." Derek finished without a second thought – a testament to how strong their bond really was._

_Dr. Hoffman nodded. "I'll see what I can do."_

_A week later while walking to leave after the end of their shift, Angie and Derek spotted Dr. Hoffman posting a sign on the first floor bulletin board. After he had left they traded a glance and walked over to it together, reading the inscription on the small, white piece of paper directly in the center of everything else._

"_Attention all Caduceus Employees:_

_Another meeting between the council that passed the staffing adjustment with regard to employee relationships was held yesterday, and I am happy to announce that the decision has been overturned – all partnerships and assigned posts will remain as they are regardless of relation to other employees._

_Sincere apologies,_

_Dr. Robert Hoffman_

_Trading a huge smile, Angie and Derek turned around to see Dr. Hoffman give them a gentle nod and smile, which they returned brightly. As Angie turned forward to walk from the building, Derek reached to his side and laced his fingers with hers, his eyes still on Dr. Hoffman as he mouthed, "Thank you" to him._

_It was too bad that all the passion and work they both had given to save their partnership couldn't be used to save their personal relationship, which ended just a few weeks later._

--

As Derek and Angie both returned from their shared memory, the pair exchanged another awkward glance with one another as they remembered how strong their bond had once been – how both thought it was unbreakable, everlasting, and that nothing would ever come between them.

And for both of them, that night solidified that they both could not have been more wrong.

"Waiter!" Jessica called out, nearly tipping her chair back as she waved over the man who had been serving her all night. "Seven and seven, please."

"No." Derek interjected, pulling her waving hands from the air and resting them back in her lap. "Water. And coffee, please."

The waiter stood confused for a moment, uncomfortable with how to handle the situation.

"Derek!" Jessica interjected.

"She's had more than enough." Derek whispered to the waiter. "No more, and I mean it."

"Yes sir – water and coffee on the way." the young man replied, quickly scurrying away to attend to the order.

"_Wow am I thankful my date isn't trashed..." _Angie thought to herself, realizing that while she had seen worse than Jessica Stiles' current state, the blonde was a little bit more than just slightly tipsy, yet less than belligerently drunk.

For a moment, there was a part of Angie that wished to join her. So carefree, completely oblivious…

"Hey…"

Before Angie could even finish her train of thought, a hand came to rest on her shoulder from behind her, prompting her to turn around in confusion.

Dean stood with a slightly concerned look on his face. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, sending a chilling nervousness through her as she immediately rose from the table and followed him just a few feet away.

"Yes?" she asked, crossing her arms as she waited.

"Sorry to do this to you, but I've gotta get to Trinity now - emergency." he said, slight irritation in his voice. "That means I have to take the car, also meaning that you have to find another way home…"

Angie sighed softly. "Alright. That's fine – good luck."

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, thanks…" he said curtly, casting his eyes past Angie and over to the table, where he grew more upset noticing that Derek had been inconspicuously eyeing them the whole time.

"_Shit, great move Derek... could you be more obvious?_" the surgeon thought to himself as he was spotted, noticing that the look in Dean's eyes grew harder after having seen him.

Trying his best to pretend like it was accidental, Derek looked away momentarily while trying to keep the situation in his periphery, curiousness getting the best of him.

He stayed focused on other things for a few seconds, but when he gave in looked up again, it was just in time to see Angie turn around and send a glance Derek's way joined by her obviously annoyed boyfriend.

They may not have been before, but now… they were most definitely talking about him.

And never in his life did Derek feel more like jumping out of a window than in that moment.

"One more thing, Angie…" Dean said, just after he had made eye contact with Derek the first time. "Whoever takes you home, it's not Stiles. Do you understand me?"

Angie cast a look over her shoulder just in time to see Derek look up, the nervousness she had felt before growing stronger .

"I understand." she replied softly, faking a smirk when Dean leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Alright then. Have a good time – see you whenever I get home."

"Bye." she replied, sending a gentle wave as he disappeared into the crowd of people and eventually, out the door.

Angie stood in place for a moment, feeling the eyes of her table on her as she tried her best to fight impending tears. She felt as though she had a chance against Derek that night when she had someone by her side, someone that she could use as a buffer to block her from the pain of having to see him again, having to be so close with him, so cordial, so fake…

"_I never should've come."_

Taking a deep breath in and picking her spirits up, Angie returned to the table and slowly sat back into her chair, everyone except Derek looking on her as she spoke.

"Emergency at work. Such is life." she replied, knowing that nobody understood better than those at the table with her as they all sent nods and smiles her way.

Angie shivered slightly as the cold air of being alone swept over her, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than ever before. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Derek tried to help his wife through her drunkenness, his unhappiness at the subject evident by the firmness in his eyes as he dealt with her. Angie remembered the look from the two whole times she had ever been drunk around Derek, knowing that there was nothing he found more annoying than people who completely inebriated themselves on purpose. Which, as Angie thought deeper, made her smile inside her head, knowing that one of hers and Derek's best times in the bedroom was a direct result of her having one too many.

Irony.

With a shake of her head Angie pushed those types of thoughts out of her mind, realizing that nothing was more upsetting and awkward than thinking about the times she had been intimate with the man who was now seated across from her, taking care of his _wife_.

Now looking a little more in control of herself, Jessica leaned into her husband and rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at him with a smile he returned to her, right before planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. There was a serene look on her face as she relaxed back into Derek's arms, a feeling that Angie knew too well – it was the feeling of being completely safe, loved, and cared for that Derek had always been able to provide for her when they were together… a feeling that now, she was without.

"_I can't do this anymore."_

Rising from her seat to leave Caduceus once and for all, Angie was startled when suddenly the music that had been playing grew louder over the speakers, signaling that dinner was over and that it was time for dancing.

"That's the spirit!" Tyler exclaimed as Leslie nudged him in Angie's general direction, taking her rise from her seat as a sign that she had wanted to dance instead of leave, as she had really intended.

"Come on!" the doctor said with a smile, holding his hand out to Angie as she stared on at him hesitantly but with a smile on her face at his goofy expression. Tyler always had a way of making problems forgotten, and as she stood there, she realized that there was nothing more she needed right then than to get her mind in other places.

"Are you seriously not going to dance with me?" he finally exclaimed with a laugh. "I haven't seen you in forever, Angie… you're dancing with me and that's it!"

Angie giggled as Tyler forcibly pulled her out onto the dance floor and into the middle of the crowd of people that had gathered and beginning to dance with her to the fairly upbeat tempo.

"I forgot how good you are at this!" she smiled as he twirled her around in a circle, quickly pulling her back into him. "But shouldn't you be dancing with your wife?"

"Nah, there will be time for me to wear her out later, if you know what I mean…" he joked, earning a loud laugh and a slap on the arm from Angie as they continued to dance together, pairing professional moves with the dorky ones Tyler seemed to have made up on his own.

With a recovering Jessica still on his shoulder, Derek stole a glance at Angie and Tyler out on the dance floor, heart beginning to pound in his chest as he saw a bright smile stretch across her lips. A smile she had been devoid of the whole night, the smile he knew no matter how bad he tried he couldn't deny was among the most beautiful he had ever seen in his life – a smile that when he saw it, produced more of a reaction in him than even his own wife's could.

"_I'm such a horrible person..."_

While he thought he had been able to detach the feelings he had for Angie through the course of the night, Derek realized with something as little as her smile that the way he felt about her would never change – he would just simply have to do a better job at covering it up.

Soon enough the fast songs came to an end and a classic, "Lady in Red" spilled through the speakers, earning an instant rise from Jessica as she lifted her head from Derek's shoulder, just as Angie and Tyler returned to the table in giggles.

"Honey…" Jessica said. "Will you dance with me?"

Derek raised his eyebrow. "Are you really going to be able to dance right now?"

She giggled. "I'm fine, Derek… really." she said completely convincingly as she rose to her feet unaided. He stared at her for a moment before standing as well and following her out to the dance floor.

"You should be dancing with Angie… she's the one wearing red." Jessica tipsily joked within earshot of the entire table, causing another round of awkwardness as Derek just gave her a patronizing chuckle. His eyes inevitably traced back to the sparkling red dress now seated at their table and the woman it adorned as she looked back at him, green eyes gleaming against the low light in the room and the candles on the table, her expression laced with the slightest hint of longing.

Derek felt the same as he pulled Jessica closer to him and held their clasped hands against his chest, slowly dancing to the music as it played through the speakers. He refused to look back at Angie, knowing it would do him no good – his wife was in his arms right then, and he knew that nothing else could matter at that moment.

"Come on, wife." Tyler joked with a smile as Leslie rose to meet him and walked out onto the floor, beginning to dance next to Derek and Jessica. Tyler sent a sympathetic glance Derek's way before returning to conversation with Leslie, knowing full-well the state that Derek had to have been in at that current moment in time.

It was going to take everything he had to get over that night, that much he knew. Five years of trying to go through every possible scenario in which he could possibly stumble upon Angie again had left him at a complete loss – it had happened so unexpectedly that he never had the proper defense in place, and now his mind would be completely monopolized by his first true love for God knew how long…

"Why aren't you out there?" Angie asked Victor and Linda with a smile as she noticed the pair still seated together, both of them giving a nearly identical chuckle at the mention.

"Not our thing." Linda simply stated, earning an understanding nod from Angie as she giggled along with them, turning around shortly after to watch the floor again.

In the end, it didn't matter how much time and money she had spent searching for the dress for that night, how many hours she had taken to make sure she looked completely perfect, or who she had been on the arm of for the majority of the night – because as she looked at Derek holding his wife in the way he used to hold her, a small smirk on his face as they talked, she realized that it was all a giant waste of time. Just like with every person she had been with since Derek, the inevitable fact was that she was always going to end up alone, one way or another. She had given up the only man who had promised with his heart and soul to stand by her for the rest of his life to chase a foolish job that she hated within the first two weeks of working there, and it had cost her dearly. Little by little over time life had begun to eat away at Angie no matter who was at her side, for the fact that she could do nothing but remind herself that they weren't, and would never be Derek.

As her eyes began to fill with tears, Derek and Jessica had turned so the blonde's back was to Angie, giving Derek a perfect line of sight to their table as he noticed the watery-eyed and heartbroken stare she looked on at him with, instantly dropping the smile from his face as he looked back at her sadly.

After the first time that Derek had ever accidentally made Angie cry, he made a promise to himself that he would never do anything to cause one single tear to drop down her cheek again – a promise broken as her watery eyes spilled over and onto her porcelain skin, her eyes still locked with Derek's until they finally reverted to the ground in shame at her pathetic appearance. Though it was years ago that the promise had been made he still couldn't help but feel obligated to fix it – after everything she had put him through, the truth was still there.

He would simply do anything for her.

"I love you, honey." Jessica said, snapping Derek's attention downward momentarily as her lips pressed against his softly, pulling back with a smile as she rested her head on his chest. Pausing for a moment after returning her acclamation of love, Derek looked back up to see that Angie was now crying more generously, hands fumbling with her purse as she worked to pack up the things that she had brought with her.

"_What is she doing?"_ he thought, eyes turning slightly panicked when she rose from her chair and took a breath, fronting a smile as she turned around to wave goodbye to Victor and Linda.

"_No..."_ Derek thought, realizing that given the way the night had gone, if Angie left, he would most likely never see her again. She had walked out of his life once and it had nearly killed him – could he take it again, even though things were much different? Did he want to try to deal with the fallout if he couldn't bear it another time?

Heart pounding as the song wound to an end, Derek's eyes followed Angie as she pushed through the people hurriedly, her emotions visibly overtaking her as she worked to get out of the room as quickly as she could. Eventually she was gone and not a moment too soon, as the song ended and another slow-tempoed one took its place – leaving Derek in a bit of a predicament.

"Can we keep going?"

Derek paused for a moment, knowing that he had the decision of his life in the palm of his hand. His brown eyes turned downward to his wife, who was looking up at him hopefully, her green eyes gleaming with love as she gently stroked his cheek.

He loved Jessica dearly, and there was no mistaking that. She was there for him whenever he needed her, even in moments he spent fighting against thoughts of someone that wasn't her – someone that she had just spent the night with, never knowing the place Angie really held in Derek's life.

A chill swept over him as he thought quickly, knowing that if he decided to go after Angie that it wouldn't end well. Bringing feelings to the surface that he had strived to push to the depths of his soul for five long years was too much of a risk. She was the one that had left him – if she was unhappy now, it was her fault and her regret to deal with… right?

"Derek?" Jessica asked again, staring up at him as he was not dancing with her like she had hoped.

"_I hope this is the right answer..."_

"Sorry, Jess." he replied, taking his wife back into his arms again as they began to sway to the music, feeling like his heart was crumbling by the minute. There were still so many things he needed to say to Angie – questions he had to know the answers to, most notably those pertaining to if devastating him had been worth it, and what had happened to her in the five years to completely change the woman he had first fallen in love with?

As he danced on Derek suddenly felt a wave of nauseousness course through him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks. He knew there were too many risks – including but certainly not limited to professing his deepest secrets to someone that wasn't his wife, and running the risk of allowing himself to fall back in love with her.

"Derek, are you alright? What's wrong?" Jessica asked, concern in her eyes.

Derek gently stepped away from Jessica with a gentle smirk, scratching the back of his head as he fumbled for a response.

As horrible as it was probably going to turn out, Derek knew in his heart that if Angie were to disappear from his life completely after that night, he at least had to talk with her one more time.

And that one time, was now.

"I just… forgot I wanted to check up on a patient." he lied, using a perfect cover as they were still in fact, in the hospital. "It's been bugging me – I'll be back in a few?"

Jessica smiled, no questions necessary as there was never a doubt of her trust with Derek – something that she would never know had been secretly violated since the day they had become a couple.

With her gentle nod Derek slowly walked from the door, waiting until the door clicked shut behind him to really panic. Angie was nowhere in sight, and as he racked his brain he realized that unless she was long gone, there was only one place she would possibly be.

Bounding up a few flights of stairs and around the corner, Derek slowed himself to a slow walk as he approached the office that he and Angie once shared, her old space now occupied by Jessica. His heart pounded in both his head and his chest as his body slowly moved toward the door, seeing Angie cry softly as she stood in the center of the room, eyes centered on the pictures of the happy couple on Jessica's desk. Her ruby dress sparkled against the dim light from the hallway as her arms hugged across her stomach gently, trying her best to keep it together.

It didn't matter how physically and emotionally undone she was at the moment – Derek knew as his heart raced that no matter where she was or what she did, she had the talent of taking his breath away like nobody else ever could.

Placing a handle on the door, Derek stopped suddenly, questioning the action again as he wondered if he should really go through with it. Should he risk putting himself through the same thing he still hadn't recovered from five years later? She hadn't seen him – there was still time to walk…

Derek's heart gave him the answer as his hand pushed down on the lever and gently swung the door open, startling the distressed Angie as she stared on at him in slight shock, tears still flowing heavily as her breaths quickened.

It was now, or never.


	7. Revenge

**Hello there!**

**So, I haven't touched this one in a freaking long time, I know. I've been working on it for awhile, because I don't want to give up on this story. I really really love it, for some dark twisted reason.**

**Anyway, this chapter was supposed to have another big plot part in it, but (surprise!) I dragged it on too long again so now I'm going to have to wait until the next chapter to drop another bomb on you all because it was just way too much. But, I still hope you enjoy this one - I wouldn't call it filler, as its pretty important to the story.**

**There is a tiny bit of inappropriate language in this, but after this chapter is where my M rating is going to kick in for disturbing, disturbing things.**

**Stop rambling. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Derek's heart gave him the answer as his hand pushed down on the lever and gently swung the door open, startling the distressed Angie as she stared on at him in slight shock, tears still flowing heavily as her breaths quickened.

It was now, or never.

Hands moving up from her stomach and now clutched into her chest, Angie tried catching her breath from her constant flow of tears as her eyes met and locked into Derek's. He stood in the doorway, hand on the door handle, fixed in place. All night he had been avoiding her gaze when she looked his way but not this time – this time it was impossible. She stood with her left side to him, gorgeous hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back, the dim light from the one small desk lamp on Jessica's desk reflecting both the sparkles on her dress and the tears in her green eyes. He could count seeing that look on her face maybe once or twice in the time that he had known her, and for a very short time at that. Angie Thompson was not a woman to show weakness.

Feeling his heart hammer in his chest, Derek somehow fought the urge to spill everything that was on his mind in the moment, instead waiting for her to make the first attempt. Even without a mirror he could pinpoint the exact expression on his face, and before he had to bother asking, she answered his silent question directly.

"Derek." she began, vulnerability seeping from her even with just one spoken word. She sighed, dropping her hands in front of her, fingers beginning to fidget with each other. Her gaze flicked towards the floor and then back up to him with shame, managing to stammer out the last of her response.

"I'm sorry. I just… I didn't know where else to go."

Derek felt his gaze soften towards her, though his guard was still up. A feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that something was coming, though he had yet to pinpoint exactly what it was. It was especially certain as told by how his fingers were still unconsciously gripping onto the door handle for dear life. He hadn't willed himself to let go just yet, knowing that the handle was probably the only reason he was still standing.

"Its alright." he replied softly, unable to think of anything else at the moment. His brown eyes followed her carefully as she reached her slender hand forward and lifted a small, silver frame off of Jessica's desk. It was a picture of the two of them on their wedding day locked in a kiss, immaculate green grass of their county club reception in the background.

"_I don't know if this could possibly get more awkward."_ Derek thought to himself, Angie never leaving his attention while he watched her eyes gaze over the picture with a small, forced smile.

"Your wedding pictures are beautiful." she said softly, gaze still downward. "It looks like it was a beautiful day."

Derek's mind took him back to that day with a soft smile. After the small incident in the morning, it was the one day he had managed to rid Angie from his mind – and he had thoroughly enjoyed himself. He still smiled thinking of the first moment he saw Jessica that day, as she had never looked more beautiful. Her smile, the way she looked at him – all intoxicating, all a fond memory.

"It poured in the morning…" he began, reminiscing out loud about the joyous occasion though his voice lacked any sort of inflection whatsoever. He noticed her eyes move from the picture and up to look at him, her expression showing she was hanging onto every word, but silently regretting she had said anything in the first place. "…but just as I was getting dressed, the sun came out of the clouds and never stopped shining. It was perfect."

No matter how friendly she wanted to be, it was still the most painful thing in the world to hear. To signify this, Angie set the picture back down on the desk and took a step backward, now turning more towards him.

"Aside from this being your office and all," she began, voice becoming less shaky as she tried to push past her anxious feelings and take advantage of a situation she'd been anticipating for the last five years. "…why are you here?"

Derek slightly reared back at first but then held back a chuckle, keeping his expression stone. _"She's still got some of the old Angie in her, that's for sure."_

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean – "

"No, it's alright." Derek replied, cutting her off. His heart told him to be there for her, tell her exactly why he had come, what had been on his mind the whole night, what had been on his mind for five years – but now, his mind was taking over. Now, he was smarter than that.

She didn't deserve the sweet Derek he had been.

She deserved what she had made him.

"I honestly don't know. I ran out knowing I had to catch you before you left, but now that I'm here I don't know why I felt that way."

Angie fought the urge to cry at the statement, but instead bit her lip with a soft nod. She couldn't help but agree that she had that one coming.

"Why are _you_ here?" were the next words to come from Derek, as he alone had the explicit right to ask them of her. He watched as she instantly became uncomfortable, though he had a hard time feeling bad as she had started it.

"I don't know either. I went to walk out the door and I couldn't. My body just kind of carried me up here unconsciously – almost like I needed to be in this room one last time."

"I thought you said you were working at Caduceus?" was Derek's instant reply, voice now with slight bitterness.

Angie caught on immediately, trying to defend herself. "I haven't accepted the offer yet… and even if I did, this place isn't what it used to be for me. I don't belong here anymore – I'm an outsider…"

Angie dropped her defense after she heard the words out loud, voice losing its harsh edge as she stared down at her feet instead of fighting any longer. She paused, trying to think of something to say after that pathetic expression, but could find nothing. Instead, she just remained silent, hoping that just like old times, the man in front of her would step forward to say just the right thing, like he always had.

Unfortunately for her, Derek was sticking to the changes he had made. And that included refusing to be a part of this situation any longer.

Finally with enough strength to release the door knob, Derek threw his hands up and let them fall back at his sides, now losing patience fast at how the situation was playing out. Even though it had been quite some time, he knew exactly what she was doing.

"What did you expect?" he began harshly, her green eyes snapping up to meet his stare with surprise, and then quickly averting them back down again. "That after everything you put me through I was going to sit here and try to make you feel better? If that's what you were looking for, you've got another thing coming, Angie."

Angie visibly recoiled, stunned by his harsh tone. There were very few occasions he had used it, and even fewer times it had been directed at her. When she finally got past the initial shock, her green eyes narrowed as she mentally prepared herself to hear the consequences of her actions all those years ago.

"Okay, Derek. So – what exactly is it that I have coming?"

"Just a simple question." he replied curtly.

Stepping more into the room, Derek moved out of the way of the office door and closed it behind him as not to let what he was about to say be heard by anyone except the woman who needed to.

"Was it worth it?'

Now just a few feet away from him, Angie kept her eyes locked with his, confused by the question as she had neither understood nor expected it.

"What do you mean?"

Derek kept his voice steady, though the rest of him was anything but.

"Was leaving worth it? Was it worth ruining my life and making yourself into an outsider in the one place you could always call home?"

And that was all it took for tears to swiftly well up in Angie's eyes. She could take shit from anyone – anyone except him. No matter how hard things were for her, he promised he was always the one to stand by her through anything, and apparently, that was no longer the case.

"N-No. It wasn't." she began, tears beginning to spill though she made no attempt to stop them, as she was finally able to be honest about the one thing she had held in for so long. "It was the biggest mistake of my life and I can't tell you what I'd give to go back and do it over… Does it make you feel better?" she asked, voice raising in pitch and volume.

It was what he wanted to hear ever since the day she left, but unfortunately, what Derek thought he wanted and what he really wanted were apparently two different things.

"I honestly thought it would… but it doesn't – it doesn't change anything."

"Derek…" she began, hands now clutched together and held against her chest again. "I know you c-can't, and you shouldn't… but p-please forgive me."

He listened to her plead and his eyes closed for a moment, pained cries eating away at the anger he held though he knew he had to be strong.

"You were perfect to me and you never deserved anything I put you through back then! I'm s-so sorry…"

Silence hung in the air. Derek said nothing to her, his hands on his hips as he let it process. He couldn't even bring himself to make eye contact, instead looking off and arbitrarily into the distance of the space they had once shared.

"If it makes you feel any better – " she began, trying to break the awkward silence in any way she could. "I've been completely miserable the past five years…"

"_That makes two of us. But you're the one who actually deserves it."_

"Derek, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I have no idea what on Earth I was doing ever thinking I could find someone more perfect for me than you!" she reasoned, sobs still breaking through her words every now and again. "I panicked, and instead of letting you in I did the only thing I knew how to do and just… bailed."

"Panicked at what?" he muttered, still not bothering to look her in the eye.

Angie was initially at a loss, her brain feverishly trying to work up something to say, especially because she had never fully figured it out herself. "Now that I think about it, I have absolutely no idea." she finally blurted out, at a loss of anything else to explain it. "I think at the time it finally caught up to me that I had allowed myself to rely on someone so fully and it scared me to death. I trusted you with everything I had but there was still some part of me – some stupid, stubborn part of me – that needed to show myself I was stronger than that. I had made a promise to myself never to give myself to someone, but what I still don't know is why I thought it was such a bad thing…"

Derek shook his head slowly. He knew her stubborn side quite well, but he could never understand her reasoning. Her past was more complicated than his and he always suspected it had something to do with the relationship between her parents, but they had never made that clear during their time together. What he would never understand was why love was a bad thing to her – why it was so terrible to trust another person, especially one that had promised never to hurt her.

"Those feelings, Derek." she started again, teary eyes on him as he tried to avoid eye contact at all cost. "All of them have never gone away – they eat at me from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed."

Derek finally brought his eyes up to her, meeting her stare for a moment before looking back down at the ground.

He couldn't deny that he knew exactly how she felt. The same thing happened to him frequently as well. Much too frequently.

She chuckled once and shook her head. "I mean, I stupidly thought that I could actually spend time near you again and not collapse in on myself, but it's impossible. I should've known that this was going to do nothing but confirm what I already thought."

Derek felt a chill sweep through him as he raised up his head to meet her stare for good, knowing that he had to ask but struggling to actually do it.

"…What are you saying?"

Angie's voice lowered to a whisper again, so quiet that she could barely hear it herself as the words she had kept in for five years finally came spilling out.

She sniffled once as her arms wrapped slowly in front of herself, hugging one another gently as her head dropped and her eyes fell away from his.

"I'm still in love with you…"

Derek struggled to hold on as he was hit by a wave of nausea so strong it nearly dropped him to the ground. He felt the world move beneath his feet, every memory of the two of them that he fought to repress flooding back into his heart and mind as he tried to keep his wife at the forefront, like he always did. All the time he had taken to rid her from his mind had been wasted – with that confession, it was a whole new game.

And either way he played it, he was going to lose.

"No…" he started firmly, feeling a cross between hopelessness and anger rise quickly in his chest. "Angie, you cannot do this, to me... not again!" he finally cried, hands on both sides of his head as he spun around slowly, trying to turn away from her and pretend somehow that this wasn't happening.

She took a protective step forward towards him, but stopped in her tracks as she saw him immediately flinch.

"What, what am I "doing" to you – I'm in love with you, and I always have been! Always!" she cried back, tears freely flowing down her cheeks. Some part of her had mistakenly thought he would be happy to hear it, as he would've been had she responded to his many pleas back then. Unfortunately, as it seemed, she was much too late.

"You know exactly what you're doing!" he bit, laughing incredulously at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation that was unfolding in front of him. "You know, it's bad enough that you came here in the first place, but… to even DARE say something like that to me? You're got to be out of your mind, Angie!"

A chilling wave passed over her as she slunk back and away from him slightly, the truth smacking her straight in the face. The thought that should have been at the forefront of her mind finally sank in and brought her back down to Earth.

_"You're throwing yourself at a married man."_

Instead of removing herself from the situation like she should have, Angie stood her ground, overwhelming embarrassment keeping her from moving. She held her arms in close to her body, eyes still far away and on the ground as her mind raced.

_"Take yourself out of this - you've already done enough damage."_

With a silent confirmation, Angie readied herself to move before her body halted her again, another interesting and more appealing thought crossing her mind.

_"You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't need him. You can't undo what you already did, so you might as well just go down swinging."_

Angie felt a strength rise up in her chest as she stood more confidently now, realizing there was something actually worth fighting for, for the first time in a long time.

And back in the day, the man in front of her had fallen in love with her for that same fighting spirit - for her inability to quit when she was passionate about something.

"You know what? …Nevermind – you're right. I'm an idiot!" she shot back with a fire that surprised Derek, as shown by him slightly rearing backward. "I mean, after all this time it's clear you've moved on anyway! Look at your incredibly gorgeous wife, your dream career, everything… You're probably happier than I ever could have made you… who am I kidding?"

He shot his gaze up at her, tears now in his eyes as he was forced to finally admit it to her.

"NO! You know what, that's just the point - I'm NOT happy!" he said, taking a slow but forceful step towards her, hands clenched at his sides. "All this time I've been _trying_ to move on – trying to just, get you out of my head but I CAN'T! I have a wife that I love but not ANYWHERE close to how I loved you!"

He paused for a moment, that tiny voice in his head telling him to stop, that he shouldn't be saying what he was saying. But the part of his brain that had been holding in those feelings for years finally crumbled, sending all of it out into the open before it had the chance to self-destruct him.

"You know, I'll finally admit it to you. You want to know how I got over this? I settled – I caved… and why wouldn't I? Do you know what it's like knowing that the one person you gave everything to didn't think that it was good enough? Do you have any idea what it's like to be ready to ask someone you would give your life for to spend forever with you, to have them turn around a few days later and completely walk out of your life?"

"D-Derek..." she said softly, now sobbing along with him.

"Don't." he interjected before she could continue. "You have no idea how badly you fucked up my life, Angie! NO IDEA. Five years later and I'm STILL trying to put myself back together!

Angie reached her hands out towards him as she took a hesitant step forward, pulling them back into her chest as she saw his cold, unwelcoming stance - hands on his hips, his eyes on hers though his stare was as devoid of emotion as she had ever seen.

".. I made, a _mistake_.. the biggest, of my life, Derek…" she started in between sniffles. "I wish I could take it back but I CAN'T! Do you have any idea how badly I want to rip my own heart out of my chest when I see you with her?" she asked, motioning towards their pictures. "When I see you hold her and look at her the way you used to with me?"

Derek just shook his head slowly, right hand dropping from his hip and coming up to forcefully point at her. "Normally I would feel bad for you, but remember – whatever you see now isn't me doing ANYTHING to you… you brought this all on yourself. You could've been the one in her place but you made your choice…" he finished, turning away from her again as his voice lowered.

"Because I was scared, not because I didn't love you!" she cried back, a slight squeak to her weak voice as she tried to raise it.

Derek just chuckled at the statement, quickly becoming serious as his eyes shot fire back at her. "Bullshit." he began. "If you did love me, you would've never left."

Angie opened her mouth to interject but was cut off again before she could speak.

"OR... if you had to leave for a little while, you would've come back after I fucking BEGGED and PLEADED for you to!" he bit, voice raising in volume again. "But noo – you're so in love with your new job and new boyfriends and trips around the world that you didn't give me a second thought!" he finished, dropping his hands to his sides in disgust after waving them around wildly to illustrate his point.

Instead of fighting back like he thought she would, Angie stayed silent, her eyes flickering a plea for mercy though he wasn't planning on giving it to her in the least. Although it killed him to do it, she had to feel the way she had made him feel all those years ago.

"See?" he said after a few moments of stale silence. "No answer - just like I thought."

Angie sniffled again, crossing her arms in front of her.

"No, Derek - there's an answer. But sometimes things are a little more complicated than can be explained while someone is screaming at you..." she said quietly. "The job, my life, my reasons - they're all... just, more difficult and lengthy than I have the time or effort to make you understand right now."

"I'm sure you have plenty of excuses, just like you always do..." Derek started, cut off by Angie with a fierce snap.

"Don't you EVEN play that way..." she warned with a finger point of her own towards him. "You know that I'm ALWAYS accountable for the things that I do, and this is no exception. You're being unfair." she ended, crossing her shaking arms in front of her as she waited for his rebuttal.

"I'M being unfair? Last time I checked, you are the one that came back to where I live and are barging back into my life the second I finally get things under control. Now I get to worry about running into you every day. Now I have to see you at work. Now, I have to spend every day crawling out of my skin, knowing one day someone is going to tell my wife who you REALLY are…"

Angie visibly reared back, surprised at how it was even humanly possible.

"…she doesn't know?" was all Angie could manage to stammer out, mind still working to figure out how.

Derek bit his bottom lip, crossing his arms as he gave her the truth.

"I never bothered. It wasn't even worth talking about. _You_, weren't worth talking about."

Angie felt a fresh set of tears come to the surface, fighting to keep them back as she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"You know, there's making yourself feel better, and then there's straight being an asshole." she stated.

"Yeah, if you're going to give me the 'caring about each other's feelings' speech, you can save it. That's not what I'm worried about right now." Derek replied icily.

"Okay, Derek." Angie replied, hands dropping down to her hips. "So, what is it exactly that you're worried about?"

"Exactly what I just said." Derek shot back. "I'm worried about you anywhere near my life. I'm realizing it's going to be a long life of sitting on pins and needles… Jess has always asked to hear about you and I know it'll come out sooner or later. Once everyone knows you're back, someone's going to mention it, and I'm going to be in some deep shit. But again, it doesn't matter to you, because it's always about what YOU want!" he exclaimed, hands on both sides of his head with a wince as the thought of the situation gave him an instant migraine.

Angie's eyes narrowed dangerously, hands still firmly on her hips. "First of all, I haven't even taken the fucking job yet, before you have yourself a little heart attack there. And second, believe me - this is the LAST place I wanted to end up!"

Derek visibly rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

Angie shook her head. "No, Derek - I'm serious! Do you think that I actually would've done this on purpose? Do you think I would've honestly walked back into this lion's den out of my own free will? I didn't make this choice – it was made FOR me!"

Now it was Derek's turn to become confused, a flag immediately waving in his mind to stop her there.

"What do you mean it was made 'for you'?" he asked her sternly, feeling even more confused as he watched her become instantly uncomfortable.

Her eyes immediately dropped away from his. "N-Nothing, I didn't mean it like that." she stammered out, trying to side-step her misspeak. Derek tried to break in to press her some more, but was unable as she kept talking.

"I just meant that I'm going to be having just as hard of a time as you are, because everyone knows how I left… everyone knows what I did to you and how one day we were this perfect couple and the next day I ripped your heart out. Do you know what it's like to be THAT person?" she finished, effectively diverting him away from the topic.

"I don't know – I'll tell you after you blow my cover." he said with a sarcastic smirk.

Angie just laughed back at him. "Well, alright Derek - tell me this then. If I don't mean anything to you anymore, why haven't you told her about what we used to be?"

Derek honestly took a pause at the question, knowing that he had no excuse, no answer except the truth.

He quieted down and slid his hands into his pockets gently.

"You know, it's bad enough that I lay in bed at night next to my wife – the woman who has done nothing but love and trust me unconditionally – thinking about someone who's not her… that sometimes when I hold and kiss her, she's not the one on my mind. Those things are bad enough, so I would never dare even say your name because she would know the minute I told her what you and I used to be that I'm still to this day not over you. I've gotten good at hiding, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out."

"…you're still not over me?"

Derek brought his eyes up to Angie as he processed her question.

It had officially gone too far. And while he needed to be honest, images of his wife flashed through his mind reminding him that he had a very real commitment to someone who was no longer the woman standing in front of him.

He paused, exhaled, and let it out.

"No. I'm not. And truthfully, I never will be. But I owe it to myself and my _wife_ to try to create a little bit of happiness for myself out of the shitstorm you created."

Lingering in their eye contact even after he had said what he needed to say, Angie finally broke their stare, disgusted look now in her eyes. Disgusted with the fact that she had even bothered to put herself in this position. Disgusted with him and who she had made him into. Disgusted with the fact that she hadn't either come back to him when he had asked before, or never left in the first place.

Disgusted that she had nobody to blame for this but herself.

"I knew from the second I saw you that you had a hidden agenda – you may have become completely unrecognizable in some ways, but I can still read you like a book." Derek said quietly, hammering the final nail in the proverbial coffin.

Angie sighed with frustration, eyes still refusing to meet his, as she realized she was no longer looking at the Derek she had once known.

"Well, this was a mistake. Congratulations – if you came after me to make me feel like even less of a person than I already did, you've succeeded." was all she could manage to say without feeling the urge to cry, promising herself that while she had let her walls down for a little while, they were going to have to go right back up and be severely reinforced.

"Good" was Derek's biting reply, the one syllable saturated with as much resentment as it could possibly hold. "You know, it's better if we just move on from the past and go straight to having no contact."

"Whatever." Angie replied, arms crossed and waiting for him to leave, which unfortunately, he didn't do as soon as she would've liked.

Derek took a small step towards her, lowering his voice but keeping the coldness in it, refusing to let her get away as easy as he felt she was. "I just want you to know I'm trying to make things a little easier for myself for when I have to see you every day. Because when I see your hair flowing out behind you, the first thought I have is how soft it is and how I used to run my fingers through it every night before we'd fall asleep." he said softly, taking another step towards her to which she turned her head away from him, though he kept going.

"When we make eye contact, I get to remember how I would look into your eyes and tell you everything you meant to me and everything I was willing to do to make you happy."

"I get it, alright?" was her soft whisper, sent on an unsteady voice that was ready to crack. All he needed to do was keep going, and he was going to push her over the edge.

Derek paced another step forward, now getting dangerously close to Angie, her body visibly tensing as he closed in. "When I listen to you, all I hear is all the times you promised me forever, and if we brush past each other..." he began, reaching his hand up and brushing her cheek softly. "...I have to relive all the moments your skin was pressed against mine and how it felt to hold you that close."

"Derek, please. Stop..." she whispered even quieter than the first time, body trembling as she knew she was about to break but didn't want to let him win, no matter how badly she had apparently messed up his life.

"Shhh..." he said to her softly, making sure she heard every last word as he lulled his voice to a whisper as well. "I just hope you remember every time you see me, how I used to love you and know that the only reason you don't have it now is because YOU fucked it up!" he bit, raising his voice slightly in pitch and markedly in volume as the force of it caused her to jump and begin to shake.

Angie instantly cowered back and away from him, trying to shield herself from the assault though the stance she took could do nothing to protect her from his words, and that was exactly what he had wanted. Keeping her eyes off of him, Angie felt the tears come back quickly and the sobs accompany them, as what little strength she had left inevitably failed her and she began crying like she hadn't in a long time.

Derek watched with a slight pang in his heart as he watched her slowly drop to the ground, a wretched cry escaping her as she buried her face in her hands and let her pain take control. Remembering the feeling all too well himself, Derek found it easy to shut out the caring part of him and instead walk towards the door, opening it and slamming it swiftly as he dropped his back against it on the other side.

Taking a moment to calm his frayed nerves, Derek took in a slow, deep breath and closed his eyes, calmly letting warm breath pass through his lips as he exhaled. It calmed him for a moment, the silence on the other side of the door, before reality set in and the sound of Angie's sobs began pulling at his heart.

_"You've never been that horrible to someone before - but nobody has ever hurt you that badly."_

Remembering this, Derek shook off the guilt trying to attach itself to him and instead took two steps forward, turning to walk down the stairs.

The stairwell, lit only by a mandatory running light down the hall a little further, wasn't like any ordinary stairwell. As he walked slowly down the stairs, Derek paused halfway through the first set and stared forward, looking out a massive window and directly at the cityscape of the beautiful Angeles Bay. Resting his head against the wall momentarily, Derek again allowed the quiet to be infiltrated by the sound of Angie crying, feeling tears suddenly well up in his own eyes as he let what he had just done to her finally start to become reality.

His eyes closed, a generous amount of tears still pouring from them though he made no attempt to wipe them away. His mind instead traced him back through their past for what seemed like the millionth time, but instead of feeling anger as usual, Derek couldn't pinpoint how he felt in that particular moment. He had always dreamed of sweet revenge, but now that he had gotten it, he realized that it still did nothing to fill that whole in his heart... no matter how hard he tried, nothing ever would.

Suddenly, Derek's brain stopped him in the middle of a particular memory of the two of them. A vivid memory, one of the most painful he remembered about when he and Angie were still together. He had been standing in the exact same place years ago, and his eyes widened as it finally sank all the way in what he had just done, and a promise he had just broken.

And before his brain or his heart could tell him not to, Derek had climbed back up the few stairs he had walked down and was on his way back to his office.

Hopefully, he wasn't too late.

* * *

**We all know that I work to include memories as triggers in this story, so what was this one? And why is Derek going back in there - possibly to just beat her with a bat and make her life worse? (No.) See you next chapter!**


	8. Confession

**This is long. I feel like it's pointless for me to even say that anymore because it's just common knowledge. Look at your scroll bar - is it tiny? Yeah.**

**This honestly didn't turn out how I expected it to, but I guess I'm happy with it. Or I'm not. I don't know.**

**What is IMPORTANT here in this mess of rambling, is that this is most definitely where the story takes a very dark and completely depressing turn and begins to earn its M rating. Just thought I would give you a heads up.**

**Enjoy!  
**

* * *

_She had done it again._

_Derek Stiles paced back to his office fuming, his assistant-slash-new-girlfriend's actions getting the better of his patience and forcing him into a fit of rage._

_She had just embarrassed him in front of a lot of people – his direct superiors, the patient's family, and other staff members by yelling at him incessantly during an operation that was of the utmost importance. For as many years as they had been a team and as long as he had been a surgeon, she made it look like it was his first day on the job – something that he didn't much appreciate, but had unfortunately gotten used to._

_But that particular day, Derek wasn't sure exactly what Angie's problem was. She was out to get him for one reason or another, and he wasn't sure if it was just her trying to make herself look good in front of her bosses and the family or if she really had a problem with him, but either way it pissed him off._

_The yelling, the nagging – sure, he could take it. But hearing her talk down to him afterward to Sidney and Dr. Hoffman and comparing his surgical performance to that of his days at Hope Hospital had sent him over the edge. Completely unwarranted, extremely unprofessional, and personally hurtful – all things that made Derek feel like he could have punched a hole in the wall at that exact moment in time._

_Instead, he stormed into his office and sat down in his desk chair, nearly immediately rising to his feet again as he realized he was too fired up to be sitting still. He paced around a few times and was startled when Tyler popped his head into the doorway, expression dropping when he saw his friend angrily moving about the room._

"_Hey man – you alright?"_

_Derek scoffed. "Yeah, just fucking peachy."_

_Tyler walked into the room and swung the door closed a little bit, but not all the way._

"_I'm sorry man, I gotta ask – what the hell is Angie's problem today? Are the two of you fighting or something?"_

"_No!" was Derek's short reply, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. "I have no idea what the problem is – she's been testy all day but insists it has nothing to do with me, she's just in a bad mood. But where the hell does she get off trashing me to the staff and my bosses? I've never been this mad at her in my life!"_

"_I understand completely, and I agree with you – it was really uncalled for. It makes even less sense if you guys weren't fighting before…"_

"_Yeah, you're telling me. But this is just how she is…" Derek started, unaware of the fact that Angie was outside, stopped short before walking into their office when she heard herself being discussed between the doctors._

"_I mean, sometimes I honestly feel like I'm her fucking child instead of her boyfriend. Doesn't she understand how many more years of school I did to become a surgeon, and that it means I might have a fucking clue what I'm doing? All she does is drill me and drill me and drill me, and without cause! She tries to make herself look like 'Little Miss Perfect' in front of everyone, but she can't do that unless she's tearing me down! I mean seriously – get over yourself and let people be human!"_

"_Even if 'being human' means they make stupid mistakes because they're so cocky about their surgical skills that they can't admit to them?"_

_Tyler and Derek both whirled around to see Angie in the doorway with her arms crossed, face twisted into a scowl and her eyes raging a fire that matched Derek's._

_Derek became absolutely still for a moment before realizing that he had to stand up for himself, and finally allowed himself to let her have it directly._

"_You know what, Angie… you would think after all we've been through, and the fact that I'm your fucking BOYFRIEND, that you would take a little more discretion if you have to tell me something. You had NO right to call me out in front of all of those people – ESPECIALLY the patient's family… you think they like thinking that the man operating on their dad and husband is some incompetent moron who has never touched a person before?"_

"_Well maybe I would use that discretion if you weren't making such stupid mistakes!" Angie retorted, voice growing louder as her and Derek moved in towards each other, poor Tyler caught in the middle of their awkwardness._

"_Angie, in case you happened to forget… you're a NURSE. Not a doctor, a NURSE. And as much as you think you know what you're doing, you have NO RIGHT to make me look like such a fool. There was nothing done that put that patient's life anywhere near risk, so you need to keep your opinion to yourself unless I ASK for it!"_

_Angie's eyes glazed over with fire once again. "You are such a jerk sometimes, Derek – you know that this is how I am, and I'm never going to stop advocating for my patients, especially when their 'doctor' isn't doing what he needs to be doing. You're just pissed because you know I'm right!"_

"_I'm just pissed because you were a fucking BITCH today and you don't have the common decency to apologize for stepping out of line!"_

"_Hey Derek, cut it out." Tyler interjected sternly, utterly shocked at the words coming out of his best friend's mouth – he was always incredibly respectful to his girlfriend, the outburst extremely out of character for the surgeon. However, it didn't stop Derek as he just kept going._

"_You know what, Angie – it's not your JOB to correct me, as much as you might think so. Like I said before, you're a nurse, and your job is to assist me when and how I need it, not how YOU think I need it. So next time, why don't you SHUT UP, do your job, and let me do mine. Do I make myself clear?"_

_There was an instant stalemate in the room as Derek ceased his rant, and as he felt a burning in his chest he knew that he had stepped way over the line. Her eyes suddenly turned from angry to cold, and instead of responding with another round, she became very quiet._

_Her eyes pierced into his before dropping to the ground shamefully. "Yes, Doctor Stiles." was her soft reply before she turned and walked from the room, clicking the door shut behind her quietly._

"_Now that, was uncalled for." Tyler said softly, slightly afraid to anger his irate friend but knowing by the look on Derek's face that he already knew what he had done._

"_I can't believe what just came out of my mouth – it's like it just took me over, I've never been so mean to her… no… anyone, in my whole life."_

_Derek slunk down onto the couch and put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths as he realized he probably just lost the woman he was crazy about because he hadn't stopped to think before he spoke._

"_Dude, listen… you were upset, it's understandable. But I've never seen you lose your cool like that – you need to go apologize to her now."_

_Without fighting, Derek stood up and walked from the room in search of his girlfriend. He ran through things to say in his mind before seeing her, knowing that it was probably going to turn into a harsh stalemate, the likes of which he would probably never be able to be forgiven for. After several laps through the hospital he was unable to spot her, lump in his throat growing bigger and bigger as time passed. _

_Finally after his fifth time passing by the 2__nd__ floor's registration desk, the clerk called out to him. "Dr. Stiles, did you need help with something?"_

"_Yes, actually. Have you seen Angie?"_

_The clerk frowned. "She went into that supply closet a little while ago, and I've been a little busy, but I don't think I've seen her come out yet…"_

_Derek's mind began racing as he walked towards the closet and opened it, feeling his heart sink lower than he ever thought possible when he opened the door and spotted Angie seated in a chair at the back of the closet, tears generously pouring down her face._

_It was the first time in the years they had been together he had ever seen her cry like that, and he was the one to do it to her._

"_Leave me alone, please…" she pled, voice shaking as more sobs came pouring out. He did just the opposite, walking into the closet and closing the door behind him as he timidly paced toward her and lowered to his knees in front of her. Though he tried to fight it, Derek couldn't help the tears that swiftly pooled up in his eyes and fell down his cheeks in response to the sight in front of him. Angie's expression turned somewhat surprised as she watched it, knowing it was the first time she ever saw him cry either, but she was quickly overtaken by her emotions again as she just bent over and rested her head on her knees, crying generously into her hands as he just sat and watched, broken-hearted at how he could've hurt someone he loved so badly._

_Eventually she settled down and he was able to thoroughly apologize and gather her in his arms, making sure to hold her until her tears finally ceased. And in that moment, Derek made a promise out loud to her and to himself that no matter what the circumstance was, he would never be the cause for her tears again._

-o-

And he had just broken that promise.

Heart racing, Derek placed a hand on the handle to the door and swung it open again, Angie's head popping up from her hands in surprise at the intruder and then looking away again when she saw who it was.

Closing and locking the door, Derek walked toward her slowly and bent down, trying to gather Angie in his arms though she fought him every step of the way.

"Don't touch me… DON'T touch me, Derek!" she repeated over and over, finally giving up as even against her will, Derek hoisted her off of the ground bridal style and walked her over to the desolate corner of the room where his desk was, away from the light source and the door. He gently sat her on the edge of the desk and rolled the chair away so he could stand directly in front of her and between her knees, hands on the desk on either side of her legs as he watched her cry with a heavy heart.

"I told you, Derek – I'm fine. I just need a m-minute, and then I'll be out of your o-office."

"I don't want you to go." he said softly, unable to finish as she cut him off quickly.

"Yeah, I believe that." was the sarcastic reply. "But I need to go… I never should've come here…"

She tried to step down from her seated position on Derek's desk but he leaned forward and stopped her from moving anywhere, her eyes now imploring his quizzically as they nearly stood nose to nose.

Derek pulled back a little to give her some space but still remained so she couldn't go anywhere just yet, buying himself enough time to say what he needed to say to her before she could bolt.

"Angie, you have every reason to hate me right now but please… don't go yet."

She scoffed, wiping a tear off of her cheek. "Why, did you think of some more reasons why I'm a horrible person in your time out in the hallway?"

Derek lowered his head. "Not in the least. I came here because I need to apologize to you – even after everything we've been through I had no right to talk to you that way and I am so sorry."

"You're a little late… but I deserve everything you had to say, you have no reason to apologize." she replied softly. "But, I can't stay here anymore – you have to let me go…"

"Angie, just please… wait." he said again, watching as she faltered but eventually brought her eyes up to meet his again.

"I made a promise to you and myself years ago that no matter how angry I was at you for whatever reason, I would never do anything to make you cry again. From the bottom of my heart I want you to know how sorry I am because even though it may seem like it, I never meant to hurt you."

Angie now raised an eyebrow to him, crossing her arms as she let out a small laugh. "The hell you didn't, Derek. You came here giving me exactly what you thought I deserved – you wanted to hurt me, to make me feel what you felt, from the start, so don't pretend like that's not what you were trying to do. And just so you know, you've succeeded – that hurt more than anything else I've ever been through, and that's saying a lot."

Derek nodded. "Alright, you're right. I spoke to you like that for the intent of hurting you like you hurt me. I wanted you to feel what I felt when you left – that feeling of having your heart ripped out of your chest because of how much you love someone. But now that I've done it, I feel worse – and do you want to know why?"

He briefly paused and was met with silence, her stare unchanging, so he decided to continue.

"The reason I feel even worse now is because I know that no matter how I feel about what you did to me, you don't deserve that. Because I know the Angie I knew and loved is still in there somewhere, and she's not a bad person – she's not a person that does things out of malice to intentionally hurt other people."

Angie softened her gaze a little, dropping her head though Derek picked up her chin with his hand and brought it eye level to him again.

"But please, Angie… I am begging you, you have got to tell me what kept you from coming back. I need to know, or else it'll drive me crazy for the rest of my life. I may not deserve it now, but please – I have to know."

Derek's brow furrowed as Angie became instantly uncomfortable, wiggling her chin out of his hand and trying to move off of the desk again.

"Derek, I can't do this – please, just…"

And as she went to jump off of the desk, Derek moved to stop her again, this time by gently placing his open hand out to stop her. It met her body square in the middle of her abdomen, and as he gently pushed into her to stop her from leaving, she let out a blood-curdling scream as her weight pushed back into his hand.

Startled, Derek immediately withdrew his hand and worriedly looked her over as she clutched at her stomach, now seated back on the desk as she leaned forward in pain and began to cry again.

"Angie, what? What's wrong – did I hurt you? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" she strained to let out. "It's nothing… just a s-sore spot." she said with exasperation, breathing heavily to try to get through the pain.

Derek stood there, eyes on the area she was holding though it was hard to see as she had it pretty well covered with her hands.

"Angie, move your hands, let me see what's going on." he said sternly.

"Derek, I'm f-fine…" she started again, trailing off as the pain became evident in her voice.

Reaching forward with his own hand, Derek went to forcibly move her hands from their clutched position at her stomach. "I'm serious, you need to let me see what's going on – now move your han-…"

Derek stopped mid-sentence as his hand grabbed at Angie's wrist and unable to move it, tried to grab her arm another way that would give him more leverage. However, he was slowly brought to a screeching halt as he looked at the place he had just had his hand on, a large blood stain now on her skin just below her wrist. As she continued to grimace and try to gain control of her pain, Derek cautiously flipped his hands over and stared at them, noting a blood stain the same size on his left palm. Bringing it closer to his eye, he scanned his own skin looking for a small cut or laceration, anything to explain where the blood would be coming from, but was forced to realize that it wasn't from him.

The blood was Angie's – and it was coming from the hand he had touched her stomach with.

"Angie… Angie, you're bleeding!" he exclaimed, reaching forward and forcibly yanking Angie's hands away from her stomach and out of the area so he could get a better look. Her dress was a dark ruby red, and the only light source in the office was across the room, but as he leaned his head closer there was a visible blood pool around the site she had been guarding, and instantly he snapped into doctor mode, ready to determine the cause.

"Wait here, let me go get some gauze – I've gotta stop the bleeding."

"No!" she exclaimed, causing Derek to stop in his tracks and whirl around surprised.

"I mean, I'm fine – it's seriously nothing, I promise!" she tried to explain, slowly lowering herself onto her feet from his desk and moving to walk towards the door.

"Really, I have to go, I…"

"Angie, I'm serious. I'm taking a look at it, and that's final!"

"You're not going to touch me!" she exclaimed defensively, again sending Derek into confusion as she became even more uncomfortable. He racked his brain trying to figure out what could've brought the sudden change in her before changing his focus to the stern doctor she had made him into.

"Listen to me." he said curtly. "There is obviously a bigger problem here than you're making it out to be, so unless you want me to grab my headset over there and make this an emergency situation with everyone involved, you'll let me take a look at it myself. Your choice."

Angie succumbed to tears again at his words, visibly shaking as she softly nodded her head to him after a small moment of thought, her eyes never meeting his. In a flash, Derek bolted into the hallway and down a few doors to a supply closet, grabbing some tape, gauze, and other sterile supplies with which to treat her. He returned to the room to see her back up and seated on the edge of his desk, holding her arms out in front of her as she looked at them, noticing the blood seeping through her dress had stained both of her arms as she was clutching herself. Her tears had ceased but Derek noticed that her expression was one of complete vulnerability laced with the slightest hint of fear – something he didn't see very often in Angie, but worked quickly to address, nonetheless.

"It'll be alright – I know it hurts, but I'll figure it out and I promise I'll be gentle." he said, donning a pair of gloves and opening a bottle of sterile water. He wet a piece of 4x4 gauze and handed it to her with the instruction for her to clean up her arms. She followed his orders and removed the blood quickly from her skin, setting the piece of gauze aside as she looked on at him while he readied his supplies.

And as his hands reached for the side of her dress, Angie began to shake uncontrollably and closed her eyes.

This was her worst nightmare come true.

-o-

"Ugh, I'm so tired!"

Tyler rolled his slightly as he heard Jessica complain about being tired for what seemed like the millionth time in a row. He and Leslie exchanged a glance and then Tyler returned his focus to the blonde, knowing that he and his wife couldn't leave until Derek came back, as they weren't going to just leave their friend here with no one to talk to. Victor and Linda were long gone and the night was winding to a close, and still, Derek was nowhere in sight.

"You know what, I'm going to go track him down." Tyler said, rising to stand. "I know you're exhausted Jess and so are we, but if Derek is tied down upstairs at least we can take you home to get some sleep."

Jessica smiled. "Thanks Ty, that sounds great – it's been such a long day and I don't want to keep you guys here any longer, but I'd really appreciate a ride home."

"No problem. I'll be back in a minute." Tyler replied, moving to leave the room and the women alone.

"Going to have a hangover tomorrow?" Leslie asked with a giggle, to which Jessica smiled and took a sip of her water, on cue.

"I don't think so. I was a little loopy at the beginning but that's what happens when you don't eat anything before you drink." she reasoned, reaching to the water pitcher to refill her glass. "I just hope I didn't embarrass myself or Derek… I didn't, did I?"

Leslie bit her lip but then smiled quickly, knowing that telling the truth in this situation was probably not for the best. "No, you were just fine. Chatty, but just fine."

Jessica smiled. "Thanks Leslie – I don't know what I'd do without a good friend like you."

-o-

"Alright Ang, this dress is way too tight for me to be able to see what's going on." Derek started, cheeks flushing slightly as he thought over ways to circumvent the problem.

"It's alright, Derek. Just slip the gauze in there, I'll put some pressure on it until I get home and can wrap it up properly." she replied nonchalantly.

Derek raised an unamused eyebrow at her. "I told you before, you're not getting around this. Now do you want me to go get a gown for you so you're more comfortable?"

Angie sighed deeply, voice becoming shaky as she tried to fight back tears. "Derek, please – you don't understand. It's nothing – it's just some stupid little sore I've got, and it's new so it hurts. It'll heal up and I'll be fine – I seriously need to get home now because if I don't beat Dean home he's going to worry."

"Would you like a gown or not?" was Derek's simple reply, looking her in the eyes unwaveringly as if to tell her it was going to be his way whether she liked it or not. It was obvious that she wasn't going to sway him that way, so she just bent down closer to his eye level and did the only thing she could think to do.

"Derek, please." she started, eyes beginning to water as she spoke, which instantly softened Derek's expression. "I can't do this right now. It's complicated, but I have to go and you need to let me go. I'm begging you – p-please…" she said, lowering her shaking voice to a whisper.

Derek sighed, half thinking about giving up when he looked down at Angie's stomach and noticed the blood stain was growing larger on her dress since they had been speaking, spurring his urgency again.

"I'm sorry – it'll just take a minute." he said with slight shame, seeing her grow sad and nervous again at his words. He raised his eyes up to meet hers again, a quizzical look on his face as he did.

"Angie – I'd like to think I still know you, even after all this time apart. Will you tell me what's got you so upset? Why are you so nervous right now?"

She sighed deeply, still trying to stop herself from crying. "I'm not! It's just, I… you don't u-understand, I really just need to go, Derek."

Derek sighed also. "Angie, I want to let you go but you and I both know this is getting worse and no matter how benign you say it is, you've got to at least let me patch you up so that you'll stop bleeding. Now, would you like me to get a gown for you or not?"

Sitting still for a moment, Angie sighed again dejectedly, reaching her hands up to the ties that tied her dress together on her right shoulder, and shakily worked to undo them. She saw Derek grow slightly uncomfortable at the motion and rolled her eyes at him.

"I've got a bra on. And it's not like it's nothing you haven't seen before…" she muttered, hands letting the ties go but refusing to pull the dress open to expose her stomach. Derek looked at her questioningly again as she looked away from him, refusing to meet his stare as she bit her lip and turned her head toward the wall.

And just as he was ready to open the dress for her, both were startled when the door opened, and in walked Tyler Chase.

Derek's breath hitched in his throat, knowing that by the look on his best friend's face, he was thinking the absolute worst in that situation.

"Before you even start…" Derek began, holding up a hand to stop Tyler from saying a word. "It's not what it looks like." he said, rolling out of the way so Tyler could see all the medical supplies scattered out on the desk.

It worked, and Tyler's gaze visibly softened from accusatory to confused. "What's going on? Angie, are you hurt?"

"She's just got a painful open wound that's bleeding pretty badly through her dress so I'm going to take a look at it and patch it up for her. Shouldn't be too long."

"Did you want some help?" Tyler asked, taking a step forward when he was stopped by Angie's harsh scream.

"No!" she exclaimed, startling both doctors. "I mean, it's not a big deal – it's just a little sore, Derek will be fine."

Tyler raised an eyebrow and then backed up towards the door.

"Hey dude, Jessica is really tired downstairs – mind if we take her home? We didn't want to leave her down there all alone… Unless you'd like her to come up here to wait for you?"

Derek stared at Tyler directly, knowing his best friend was trying to make an inference that he didn't much appreciate.

"No – take her home. Just in case this is something worse than what she says it is, I don't want to leave her waiting. Tell her I'll be home as soon as I can, and thanks."

Derek turned back towards Angie and waited until he heard the door close, to which he immediately got up and locked it to prevent the same occurrence from happening again.

"Sorry about that." he said, walking to her again and reaching his hands up gingerly to where she had untied her dress. Pulling it down, he could see that while it dipped low in the front and the back, only dropping it down on one side wouldn't be able to fully expose the area like he needed.

"I can't really see it. I'm going to untie the other side too, alright?" he asked her, not waiting for a response as he reached for the ties and began to loosen them. Finally unknotting them, Derek hesitated as he saw Angie fight back a whimper, her body visibly shaking. Grabbing the dress gently in both of his hands he worked it downward slowly, eyes opening wide as more and more of her torso was revealed. When the top to the sparkling dress now rested in her lap, Derek took a small step back and stared on at her with utter shock.

There was very few times, even in his life as a surgeon, that he had ever seen so many bruises.

All Derek could do was stare dumbfounded at her body, bruises all over her ribs and slight swelling in her abdomen. Some of the bruises were large, some small, but all were in various stages of healing, her skin resembling that of a morbid rainbow. The worst was a massive purplish-red bruise measuring about the size of a baseball that spread over her lower right ribs, and the smallest was a faint yellow one just underneath the lining to her bra. The wound in question had soaked through a dressing Angie had likely prepared herself, as even years later he could still spot her perfect technique a mile away.

"Angie… oh my God. What… what happened?" he whispered in exasperation, mouth still dropped open in shock, eyes still fixed on the sight in front of him, the bruises pulling his attention towards them as they were a sharp contrast to her smooth, pale skin.

She said nothing, eyes still turned away from him and towards the wall as the tears began to well in her eyes again, though she tried her hardest to prevent them from falling.

"Angie, look at me, please." he asked her, his pleas met with silence as she dropped her eyes to the ground, her chin forcibly lifted up against her wishes. Her eyes still avoided his even as he tried to get her to look his way, more tears swiftly clouding her green eyes and threatening to spill over onto her cheeks.

"Angie!" he said forcefully with a shout, feeling tears well in his own eyes as she consistently refused to meet his stare. With his experience he knew what it was on the spot, but he refused to believe it was happening to her – not until the words came out of her mouth would he believe something so heinous could happen to a person like her.

"Please, Angie… p-please look at me." he begged, feeling a tear drop down his cheek as she finally met his gaze head-on, now crying generously as she was unable to hold it back any longer. Both of his hands gently but forcefully cradled her face, and their noses nearly touched as he lowered his voice back down to a whisper.

"Angie… Did… d-did _he_, do this… t-to you?"

Her expression remained unchanged, crushing defeat in her eyes as Derek came sickeningly close to figuring it all out. She remained silent, prompting the surgeon to spill out a fresh set of tears as he waited for an answer.

"A-Answer me, please…" he whispered, begging her once more. "D-Did he do this to you?" he asked, now with more force as he felt the pain of it grow up through his chest, prompting him to feel like he could explode at any second.

Stopping a sob from forcing its way out, Angie sniffled once, looking at Derek one more time before she closed her eyes gently and took a deep breath.

"Y-Yes." she whispered, unable to see the unimaginable rage that flashed through Derek's eyes at her confession.

"N-No, Angie... no..." was all he could whisper, nothing else coming to mind at the moment as he felt another set of fresh tears roll down his cheeks. So many feelings tore at him from the inside that he thought they actually might physically rip him apart if he couldn't get himself under control. Derek felt the world move under his feet as things began to spin, feeling physically sick to his stomach, more angry than he ever thought he was humanly capable of, and mostly, so unbelievably heartbroken for the woman he had loved so much that it was absolutely inexplicable. He couldn't believe how someone so amazing, so wonderful could ever be the target of something so evil that he couldn't bear to picture it for even a second.

Derek just remained holding her face gently as he fought with his own emotions, knowing that while he wanted Dean's blood on his hands in that moment, it was more important for him to be there for the woman he undeniably loved.

"A-Angie, I'm s-so sorry…" he managed to choke out, pressing his forehead gently against hers and closing his eyes along with her, his hands gently brushing her face and through her hair. Neither of them so much as flinched at the close contact, showing that it was still inherently natural even after years apart. He started to cry more outwardly, unable to hold it in as it was the only thing his shell-shocked body felt it was capable of doing in that time. She continued to cry along with him, eventually dropping her head downward in favor of resting it on his chest, her shaking hands gripping onto his shirt to pull him closer to her. As forcefully as he could without hurting her, Derek held her as closely to him as possible, rocking slowly back and forth in attempt to comfort her in what little way he was certain he could. Silence filled the room save for the cries coming from the both of them, but the quiet took over again a short time later as both were able to control themselves.

Angie gingerly picked up her head from Derek's chest and wiped her eyes, pulling herself together before looking at him. She could've sworn it was the most defeated she had ever seen him look, his eyes showing her such compassion and warmth but sadness and anger at the same time.

Suddenly feeling as though she should change the subject, Angie looked downward at her soaked bandage and back up to Derek questioningly.

"Could you help me change this, please?" she quietly asked, seeing Derek hesitate as he was still stunned, but eventually oblige and begin to help her loosen the tape.

Peeling off the homemade bandage, Derek instantly felt sick again as he looked at the wound she had been covering up – a clean, perfectly cut laceration spanning about three inches in width. Anger rose up in his chest again and as he pressed a clean square of gauze onto the wound with as much pressure as she could tolerate, his eyes seeking hers again questioningly.

"This isn't jagged." he simply stated. "It's a clean cut."

Angie sighed. "Whatever you're thinking, you're right on. Just, please – I don't want to talk about it." she said quietly with a pleading undertone.

Derek nodded. "I understand… but I've got to know what caused this. Can you at least tell me that?"

Angie bit her lip and tried not to cry, but it didn't work as tears started spilling down her cheeks again. "He's never cut me before." she started hesitantly, voice shaking. "He just – he knew we were g-going to this event, s-so a few weeks ago…" she trailed off, voice so full of tears she could barely talk.

Derek looked up at her gently, silently edging her to go on as he continued to try to stop the wound from bleeding.

"A f-few weeks ago, he s-stopped hitting me certain places… places he knew that would s-show…" she explained, stopping when more tears took her over. "A-And one day he was drunk and m-mad because he said he wanted to p-punch me in the face but couldn't, s-so he took out a knife, held me down, and…"

Derek just remained with his eyes on the wound as he listened to Angie trail off into tears, knowing that if he looked up at her in that moment it would be more than his heart could handle. The act of someone physically laying Angie down against her will and taking a knife to her was…

Derek shook his head slightly, knowing he couldn't play out that thought, or else his anger was going to get the best of him.

"Well…" he started, pulling off the gauze as the bleeding ceased. "Luckily it's not too deep, so you won't need stitches. I'm just going to use some of these strips to kind of close it up as best I can." he said, pulling out a package of adhesive strips with which he began to apply them to her skin. "Just keep it covered with gauze and tape like you had it, and I'll send you home with an extra pack of them."

Angie nodded without words, looking down briefly at Derek as he worked. He was as meticulous as she remembered him, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he worked to concentrate on the task in front of him. His hands steady, he placed the last of the adhesive strips and reached to his right, ripping open another package of gauze which he laid gently against the wound.

Without him asking, Angie reached to her side and pulled the tape into her hands, ripping the pre-scored lines on the tape in sections that perfectly fit the size of the gauze. She silently handed them to him one by one, and he placed them with enough force to make them stick but trying his best not to hurt her.

_"Now comes the awkward part..."_ Angie thought, watching Derek as he gently rolled his chair backwards, removed his gloves one by one, and tossed them into the trash followed by the remainder of the supplies he had used. Without directly meeting her eyes he stood slowly, reaching for her dress which he pulled up and re-tied on the right side, his hands sliding over and ready to tie the left side before pausing, and eventually dropping his hands back down to the desk, his head shaking.

Angie watched Derek as he took a step back from the desk and turned around, hands gripping his head as his lungs took in a deep breath and let it out. His brown eyes turned toward the ceiling as he slowly twirled around in a circle, trying to think deeply, though she was unsure about what. She felt a prick at her own eyes as she noticed Derek's were filling with tears again, feeling prompted to speak.

"Derek?" she said softly, noting that while he eventually turned his attention to her, it wasn't right away.

"It's going to be okay." she whispered, not even able to finish the sentence before Derek began shaking his head back and forth vehemently.

"No Angie - how can you say that? How is this possibly going to be okay? How are YOU going to be okay?"

"Because it's not like it started happening yesterday, Derek!" she exclaimed, "It's nothing new - it's a way of life... something you get used to over time!"

"You should NEVER have to get used to something like that! You should never let someone beating the hell out of you become a way of life... you should be kicking his ass right back, and you should've left a long time ago!" he shot back. "Dammit Angie, when did you stop fighting for yourself?"

"When I realized I couldn't win - when I realized that I made the wrong choice by leaving, and that this was unfortunately what I was left with."

Derek sighed, his hands on his hips. "Just because you aren't with me doesn't mean you have to stay with him... you can get out of this, Angie, and you know you need to. Let me can help you!"

Angie scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You honestly think I haven't tried to leave? It's more complicated than you make it out to be... and you can't do anything to help me. You've made it perfectly clear what even having me back in your life for a night has done to you... I'm not going to stay here and be your pity project. It'll be too hard for both of us and you know that."

Derek paced towards her again, putting his hands on both sides of the desk again to steady himself before he looked in her eyes. "You think I would help you out of pity? You honestly think that's why I want to help you?"

Angie remained silent, a small shrug of her shoulders telling Derek what she thought.

"Let me make something clear to you, Angie." he started, lowering his voice again. "First and foremost, you know what I do for a living - you know that when someone is in pain, I try to help them. It's kind of part of that whole, 'being a doctor and saving lives' thing."

"Get to the point." Angie chided with a smirk, only slightly appreciative of his sarcasm.

Derek sighed. "I just... I couldn't live with myself knowing that I let you go back to something like that. That I didn't protect you..."

He dropped his head down again in shame.

"And I still feel like this is partly my fault. If I would've kept fighting for you back then, then maybe-"

"Don't." she cut in. "Don't you for a second think that you had anything to do with this, do you hear me?" she said, soliciting a small nod from the surgeon, who still failed to look at her. "It could never be your fault... and somewhere deep down, I know it's not mine either, I just..."

Derek raised his head after a few moments of silence to look at her, heart breaking as he saw her crying once more.

"I just... I can't believe how bad I messed up. And knowing that I'll never be able to get back the one man I loved more than anything makes it really hard to even try to fight anymore." she cried. "I know that there's nothing else out there for me because there's no way I'll ever be able to be as happy as I was with you..."

Derek softly nodded, only because he knew exactly what it felt like. He had a wonderful wife who was perfect inside and out, but it still didn't make a difference - he would never be as happy as he was when he was with her.

"That's why you have to let me help you..." he said gently, reaching up to hold onto her face again. "I know it's hard to fight, so let me fight for you. It sucks, but you can't just sit around and let someone beat you for the rest of your life - you're better than that Angie, you're worth so much more than that."

Angie responded with a small roll of her eyes. "Yeah... sure."

"Hey." he said more forcefully. "I mean it, Ang - there's nobody else like you in the world, but in the best way."

Derek smiled softly as he allowed his mind to ditch all the bad things about her and remember the good, realizing just how amazing she actually was. "You are incredibly strong, determined, you're one of the smartest people I know, you're quick witted and hilarious... you have the biggest heart in the world, and yet, you're not afraid to let people know what you think."

He brightened a bit when he saw a small smile break across her lips, his heart skipping a beat at the sight.

"And still, to this day, you'll never know what seeing you smile does to me inside." Derek admitted in a soft voice, tracing his right hand out from her face and to her soft, silky hair.

Something in his mind yelled out to him to stop, that it was getting dangerous... but he had waited five years to hold her like this again, and he wasn't going to let that opportunity slip through his fingers.

"You're so beautiful, Angie." he whispered, his nose gently brushing hers as his eyes closed briefly, taking a moment to breathe in the scent of her before opening them again to gaze at her.

"Derek, stop." was her hushed reply. "You can't talk to me like this - you're married and obviously emotional because of what you just saw. You need to take a step back right now."

Derek pulled his head back a few inches but refused to release his grip on her. "I can't. I've been waiting for this for five years - and now that you're here I don't want to let you go."

He pressed his forehead against hers again, opening his eyes when he heard her start to cry.

"But you have to." she whispered back through her tears.

He looked at her confused, a prick in his eyes also.

"You have to let me go, because I have to let you go." she finished softly.

Derek looked down, feeling his quickly eyes well with tears. This couldn't be happening to him - she couldn't be disappearing from his life again. Five years after the first time and he was still a complete mess, which seeing her for one night had shown him.

And now, letting her go was letting her back into the arms of the man who had taken a knife to her and had beaten her so often and so severely she failed to recognize it as anything but a way of life.

"I know I do..." he painfully whispered, stroking her cheeks as a tear fell down his cheek.

His eyes locked with hers once more and he felt the pain and defeat slowly bleed from his expression and the feelings he had for her rush to the surface. It was hard for him to admit, but in that moment, he knew what had to be done.

"But not just yet."

He spoke with a husky whisper as his hands softy gripped her cheeks, pulling her towards him as his face closed the remaining distance. And finally, after five long years, his lips met hers passionately once again.

Shocked at first Angie stalled, but eventually returned the kiss as her arms gently wound themselves around his shoulders and pulled him tightly to her. His hands brushed outwards and through her hair again, opting to move them back to her face to touch her soft skin. Holding her, kissing her that way felt even better than he remembered, and exponentially better than it did in his dreams. She was right in front of him, in his arms again, and kissing him the way that he had unfortunately come to find, nobody else could.

"Wait, Derek..." Angie whispered breathlessly, pulling back and out of their kiss. Their noses now touched gently and he was still holding onto her, staring at her inquisitively.

Her chest heaved and her heart beat out of control, feeling dazed and like she wanted to smile but knowing that she shouldn't.

"A-Are you sure?" she asked him, feeling incredibly remorseful about the fact that he was married, but even worse for the fact that she didn't care.

Derek paused, taking a moment to think about the gravity of the situation. He was married, belonged to another woman.

But he was unable to finish that thought as his lips impulsively sought hers again, answering her question with very bold and direct means.

Even if it was the wrong one, this was his answer.

And there was no turning back now.

* * *

**Now I know you might be judging me here right now, but this isn't the last of the surprises in this story. And it doesn't get easier for anyone. Bwa-ha-ha.  
**


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